Help, I'm lost

I'm spiraling. Again. TW if you're reading this btw. I assume most

 won't want to read this. It's a glimpse into my severe pain. Anyways.

 I'm falling deep again. I think I'm starting to fall back into a state of psychosis. 

I did around 6-8 months ago. I was so mentally unwell I thought I was the

 reincarnation of a certain person that's name starts with dyl and ends with ebold.

 (avoiding possible mod flag) I wanted to do a similar thing to him. But I got

 better, even if I had the cops called on me and tried to end it all. But then

 they took away my group, the only thing that helped, because I was

 "In it for too long". I'm starting to spiral again and I'm scared. I'm becoming

 obsessed with "tcc" and column - bine (If you think I'm horrible and gross for

 this, block me idgaf. It's not like I want to be like this.) I'm starting to think

 really delusional things again. Things like, "I am the son of the devil" and shit.

 Right now, I'm in the state where I can still see how bad that is. But soon I probably

 won't be able to recognize it anymore. I'll fully believe it. I see things. I always have,

 but when I'm in a good mental state, they aren't scary, more comforting. But as

 of recent, they are scary. I hardly sleep. Jumping at every sound, every hallucination.

 I sob, scared of them. I'm only recently starting to hear things again, they are

 not bad yet, more like, confirmations to my thoughts right now. But soon I

 am sure they will get worse. And I can't tell anyone about this because they

 will either scold me, send me to a mental hospital, or just ignore me. I don't

 need to go to the mental hospital for a fifth time. Also, idk why I'm rambling

 here. Idk why I'm making this public. Maybe I hope that someone, someone

 will find this and fully understand me. Maybe I just want to get it out. I don't

 know. I've started SH again. It's not too bad yet, but like most other things,

 I'm sure it's only to get worse. I've been having really bad thoughts again

 and I'm scared. I was last time too, until I was deep in the psychosis and

 just believed them and didn't back down on them. I'm going to shut my ass up now...