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TW just sensitive and maybe triggering stuff in general
School just started and I already feel like fucking dying. I genuinely don't know how I'm gonna live like this because I feel like I'm getting nothing out of my life. I feel like I'm wasting it sm and I am so envious of the people who get up in the morning and are just happy to live. I live, but I dont feel alive. Does that make sense?
I wanna feel alive. I wanna live life the way its meant to be lived. Not in some fucking jail, studying for nothing in my life because - honestly? I know im not gonna live past like...really MAX 15, and im 14 now so idk. If I make it past october which was generally when I had my death in my head but nothing solid, Ill be shocked. Because I just dont see any point in living anymore. Its not even always depressive, life is just so boring. I waste it and yet I dont try to change anything so that I could get more of it.
I really couldnt care less about grades and school and just whatnot, but if I wanna get anywhere in life(which I dont), theyre expected of me. But what am I supposed to do then? I study, I try as much as I'm able to but studying more just sounds even worse. I'd get even less free time, but god I know that even if I had more free time I wouldnt use it for anything productive anyway.
I wish (almost) everyone would just leave me alone forever to rot away, not eat and eventually just die. That sounds GREAT. At least winter/falls coming so relapse season lmao xd
Because - honestly, I just cant see my future. At all. I cant even see myself in the next week. But literally, why shouldnt I kms? Theres no reason not to except me being a fucking coward.
Thats all,
Bye!
Comments
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Pallan
Don't kys. It won't just put an end to the boringness, it will put an end to everything, it's not worth it. I don't know what to say to you but to try and talk about this maybe to a close friend. You are 14, you still have all your life ahead of you, find something you like to do and just do it. For the school part, i don't know how it works where you live and i haven't started yet (i start in just 2 days) but i already know it will be different, way more studying, new people, new teachers, no friends and a more hostile environment... But it isn't worth it to kys, don't do it, please.
Ollie
Yea no get help ivocado u promised me youd get better
Holy fucking shit ollie??
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