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This is a really small dump of words I came up with over the summer
throw away the only device left
hell is in other people that live inside pixels that live inside you
and your shock symptoms that don't happen
love is in sounds
and green
and nothing else but you and the bed and the window, now
is this how i have to live?
It bleeds the same with each one
The shock kept in my spinal column is flaring up again
Each synaptic connection pushes out another sob
I want my god back
I want my interstates and my landscapes
I want the forest
but it's been too hot out and ive been too sober
but forever and always, i'm yours in the wrong
Until cincinnati, when your tears fill the ohio river after it's been evaporated
And the sight heals me every tired college morning
anger is my father's voice on a phone call and his heavy steps across the raised foundation,
so, it echoes
and I can feel it and hear it;
it scares me out of any sleep
Blow down houses made of wood in deep appalachia
with broken mowers and tinkered engines sitting in dead and overgrown grass lawns
visited only by the tires of ambulances and a red glow that you can hear through the trees and over the hill
And the eulogy:
"A good man to some,
A father and a sacrifice,
He can't hurt you any more"
here's to being in a horrible situation
here's to living as a vortex and imploding every night
here's to imploding in front of you and being asked what's wrong and shaking my head
here's to the only one that im ever safe around
being loved and not getting hurt
being held instead of pushing away
grasping and hanging on for dear life until we finally make it home again
here's to being my fucking self and stepping on anyone who hates it
being my own biggest fan and standing up when i have to
and raising my voice
kicking and fucking screaming
embarrassment isnt the worst ever
you're not worthless for being embarrassing
i know you hear it a lot but you know that its true; You're beautiful
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