Life update? I dunno it all feels weird.. ( Good news )

It'd be funny of it wasn't so damned true.

I like to think I'm funny where it counts, because honestly I know I don't have a lot going for me - and no that isn't me reaching for compliments. There's a lot of areas I need to improve on, it's just an observation.

I'm really just trying to sort my shit out - and not be so self depreciating, because apparently that type of humor makes people uncomfortable.

Even though I love my fucked up sparkle, I can't keep moving down this route without causing more harm to my mental state. My ass isn't medicated right now, so it's not the best thing to keep doing.

Gotta love being so self aware you can see the damage as it happens. It's eye opening sometimes, witnessing yourself acting self destructive. Kind of like a car crash? I don't know. It's weird to watch.

So far, I've cut back on drinking - the last time I had a drink was two weekends ago and it was a single glass of wine. I don't really touch alcohol anymore. It doesn't have the appeal it used to anymore.

Hell, I haven't touched drugs in about a year. ( Aside from the ones that I've been prescribed. )

Shit is improving? I think?

I'm really confused at certain points, because things are semi-peaceful and the chaos has gone down a hell of a lot. My Fiancé has been helping to provide better coping mechanisms so I have the tools to work through my trauma.

I've even been keeping a journal - need to update that, as I haven't done it in a few days, distracted by other life events. That one is more private, so I can unpack shit I don't want to talk about online.

This is all terrifying for me, I don't really know how to handle things not being crazy - and it's freaking me out, but not in a bad way? It's like I'm a wild animal and she pulled me in off the street and I am being forced to adjust to normalcy.

She's teaching me how to pay bills ( my precious ex abused me for 14 years, didn't let me have a job, leave my room or house without her, and I was basically held captive ) and live in the real world...

I am doing my best to try and understand everything - but holy shit have I been unprepared for a lot. Even my Mom didn't help me. Both my Mom and my Ex kept me under their thumbs, so this is just like being dipped in a fucking ice bath.

Huge wake up call.

Life update? I guess?

I'm doing better...ish? I need more piercings and tattoos...maybe do something wild with my hair once it gets longer.