#48 - PARENTING

This is a little bit out there since I'm a fatherless 16 year old with a romantic relationship about as stable as a flock of geese tap dancing on a house of cards, but I've randomly had these thoughts over a very long course of time and in turn thought that perhaps this information is not total rubbish and could in fact benefit people. And in the hopeful, hypothetical future scenario in which I marry and have children with her, writing this down would indubitably be of great benefit to this version of me who as far as I know may not even exist. Also, this "advice" is mostly aimed at sons because I have no idea how girls think! 0wo I'll leave that up to her mother, I guess...

To begin with, ALWAYS let him take the lead whenever possible. Like ordering for himself at a restaurant or doing an exam all by himself. Although taking the shortcut is appealing short term, in the long term you always want to let him figure things out himself. This quickly builds independence, confidence, and competence all in childhood. This will allow him to be a proper man in adulthood who can stand up for himself. 

Even if you have your own view of life that is different from his, let him decide what he wants from his own life. Though you can nudge him in the right direction through leading by example or using logical arguments, it's his life ultimately so he should have the final say. In addition to the previously mentioned benefits, this will also give him a respect in your beliefs in that you believe that they are self evident and don't need forcing upon anyone. Even if he ultimately disagrees with you, he will learn that disagreeing with people and having your own beliefs is nothing to be ashamed of. With this he will learn to agree to disagree.

Imprint solid values through leading by example. Act like your son is always watching. Never have any double standards. For example, if you want to have a son who is kind, show kindness to him and he will naturally reciprocate it; it is illogical to be harsh with him and expect him to show respect, this will only build resentment. Show that honesty, integrity, and courage is always the right path, because leading by example is the easiest way to persuade someone because it shows what works empirically. If you take shortcuts, that's what he will learn works best, and it will screw him over in the long term. Having a strong set of empirically proven values will make him immune to fearmongers trying to use him through polemics.

Admit when you're wrong. Hiding your faults teaches that people will hate who you really are and you have to put up a mask to avoid ostracism. Admitting your faults shows that there is no weakness in being wrong, but instead it is natural, and it is in fact foolish to deny your true nature. Teach him that mistakes are part of the process of learning, growing, finding out the truth. Although success is desirable, success teaches nothing. If you never fail, you never learn. Success can only be achieved after a LOT of failure; as the old adage goes, the master has failed more times than the student has ever tried. All of this is sure to make a stalwart warrior who doesn't know when to give up.

Teach critical thinking and encourage causality based reasoning. Tap into your own inner child and repeatedly ask "Why?". Socraticly question him until you reach the logical conclusion of his belief. Not only will this make it very difficult for him to be manipulated and teaches him to always have a logical base for beliefs, but it also even holds you accountable. He will then ask you about your beliefs, and if you're correct it will easily convince him of your beliefs. Even if you're incorrect now you can learn from him and perhaps advance your own self, in addition to the benefits with admitting when you're wrong in front of him and showing how to learn from failure. It's a win-win and, if we didn't live in the screwed up society we live in today, I'd be surprised that this isn't more common.

That brings me to my next point, why is none of what I suggest very common at all? The answer is simple, really: Fatherlessness. Alright, it's probably a multifaceted complex issue as with anything in life, but that one point is probably the simplest metric. We live in a society where masculinity is demonized and the father is constantly screwed over. Even if you're raised by a single mother who doesn't hate men or anything, this doesn't change the fact that she doesn't fundamentally understand how men naturally think, and thus can't properly cater her parenting towards such a thing. Every child needs a mother and a father to properly develop, and this has been empirically proven time and time again. The attack on the family unit is nothing short of a power grab by the bourgeoisie to make us easily malleable and do their bidding. In a world where we are cursed with no fathers, it is our duty to become our own fathers, although such a task is admittedly very difficult...

Whew boy, sorry for all the ranting there! :P Like I said earlier, this has been on my mind for ages, but I didn't write it down until now because I thought I wasn't qualified enough to talk about such a subject; but considering how much I have to say on the subject, there's no way ALL of what I'm saying can be wrong, right? Especially after all the pain my fingers went through typing this... X_X Regardless, even if I'm wrong, none of these ideas came from nowhere, right? The reason I value critical thinking and causality based reasoning so much is very, very simple, it's all because...

NIHIL EST SINE RATIONE