empty feeling and isolation

this empty hollow feeling returns again and again again , some things happen in like and i think that now it will go away or what waas it even i was feeling all the time and then to my surprise it booms and returns back

i feel at the end i will live alone , honestly it would be greaat to go awat from my family

but i might not have a lover , when i think of having someone love me i just get SO ANGRy and hate it , it makes me want to throw out!

i will cut of all my out all my friends , i only laugh at school from the last two years ( they  dont even like me that much i am sure cause i repeated the grade my current classmates at) bit i only bark nonsense and am loud them dont like me , they will forget me ad its is easy casue  i dont sstay at touch when i get home so i will leave them , only i guess using them to lisen to me bitch barking cause else i get  headache

all my life i just follwed that son of  a bitvh who only judged me adn i got social anxiety adn overthinking casuse of these ew friends and then when i changed schools my anxity was at top so i got quite adnn never spoke , until when i reoeated 9 th grade cause i didnt want the girls to think i am dumd casue i knoe there might be one think that is good abt me - just one thing

i think i will enjoy living alone.