I feel like my dad is my step-dad

I don't know anyone with step-parents, but from what I've gathered from the internet I seem to feel about him in a similar way. He isn't my father, just my mom's husband. 

I used to feel horrible for not loving him. When I was a kid I used to make tons of silly cards and crafts for my mom that would say things like 'Best mom in the world <3'. Seriously, I made at least a hundred such things during my childhood. One day around age 10 I realized I never made them for my dad. I felt bad because, well, he was my dad, I was supposed to love him and think he was the best in the world like I did for my mom. So I made him a little orange medal that portrayed those feelings I didn't have.

I recently went to visit my cousins in their city. We had a day of sight-seeing planned, but it turned out older cous had an arrangement with his girlfriend where he would pick her up at work every day. He didn't tell us about this and therefore wasn't able to be with us most of the day. His sibling kept complaining how mad they were at him, how could he choose a gf over family, we're a family for fucks' sake, it was horrible to choose anyone else over us. 

It made me think about how I would not. 

All my life I've been told by everyone around me that family is the most important in the world. They are the people closest to you and the only ones that will always stick around. Blood relation is still deemed like a sacred, unbreakable thing by most. 

My dad had never been around though. We were certainly not close. He barely knew me, understood nothing about who I was and didn't care to learn. He would only ever hurt me, bring me down for not wanting to do the things he wanted me to do. 

Family was never closest to me. When it came down to it, when I needed help and someone by my side the most, I was the only one that showed up. 

After all these years I think I've learned to break out of that thought process. Family relations mean very little to me. If you are a good person, if you treat me well, I will treat you well too. We'll get along if we get along, regardless of how close we are in DNA. 

I've only gotten more sure over the years that my father and I have nothing in common. He's a manipulator and rather cruel being. 

It's difficult for others to see however. As he is a good friend, a good teacher, a good brother, son and acquaintance. But he is not a good father. He is not my father. 

I want nothing to do with him. It truly feels like there's a stranger living in my house.

I've spent my entire life battling these complex feelings, undoing years of conditioning and manipulation. I hope this helps someone else see the light. 

If it doesn't, eh, it's just another generic vent on the internet.