Heart Feels

Every day I become more aware of how unnecessarily difficult it is to be heartfelt. I enjoy having heartfelt conversations with the people I trust, and yet it takes conscious control to let this sincerity linger instead of sliding down into a joke or a change of topic. Both of these progressions can be reached without losing sincerity, and yet oftentimes they are made to escape from it, instead of acting as natural continuations of a conversation. It's become an issue that bothers me every day. And, as the presence of any issue does, it made me think of the "why" behind it, which lead me to my favorite place: it's all the fault of the system.

Relationships, romantic or otherwise, have been greatly affected by the focus on appearances--likely a result of the internet climate--and the constant pushes from Big Whatever to make people consume more product. Being able to call yourself "taken" has gained a value in society that puts you above other people. Of course, love and understanding are natural comforts to desire, but relationships became indicators of one's own value to other people. Having a partner now shows that the people in a relationship are beautiful enough to be taken, smart enough to be taken, rich enough, funny enough, and other adjectives that bring out individual insecurities of the people around a couple. This leads to a striking lack of sincere connection and desire to be with someone. Many look for a relationship simply because they want to feel like they're enough, which gives them value in society. it shows that they are good enough to be someone's special person, even if they are such only in a name. Their own value becomes so important that no lasting, sturdy trust can be built between two people. 

This focus on appearances and superficiality leads to many fluctuations in one's relationships. People are afraid of others being insincere, and such an outlook seems to inevitably lead to insincerity. But fear of vulnerability comes from other places as well, such as one's environment. The internet is the best example of this. The internet is all about appearances and showing your best self. People often lie and edit to appear to have a prettier body or a more interesting life, but only they are truly aware of this lie. They present themselves to be the Most, and this image is seen by others who start feeling inadequate. They see people have those interesting lives and pretty bodies, however superficial they truly are, and desire this for themselves as well. This adds to the infinite egoism people have acquired. Everyone is worried about appearances. But why are they worried about them?

Everyone is afraid of social rejection. People need people. They want to be enough to ensure they have someone in their life, to ensure they are surrounded and loved and protected. This, of course, includes not only visual appearances and how amazing a life may seem to others, but one's thoughts. The crucial difference between these is that visuals and thrill are always maximized, while thoughts are always minimized in fear of rejection. Few people put their truest Mind out into the world for all to see, so the deepest, most disturbing parts of the human mind stay incredibly personal and intimate. This creates the impression that everyone is pretty normal compared to you, the individual, as you are having all these thoughts that worry, disturb, or even scare you, and yet no one else seems to be struggling with them the way you are. It's isolating. Despite the fact that people just hide their thoughts like you do to appear more appealing, not hearing about the embarrassing aspects of a mind makes a person feel very alone. And this is why people are not heartfelt with each other. or, rather, why it's so hard to be heartfelt when sincerity inevitably leaks through carefully constructed defenses. 

The concept of being "nonchalant" to achieve a relationship, especially romantic, shows this perfectly. People are afraid to be too much. Individualism has led society into a place where a person does not want to owe other people any part of themselves. They aren't tied to anything or anyone, leaving whenever it gets "too much" for them to handle, when it becomes too difficult to bear the emotions they aren't used to due to the superficiality of the biggest, most important tool for global communication. What if being heartfelt and letting one feel and leak the rawest feelings they can express through words drives people away? It's a lot easier to lighten this load. Make a joke, change the topic--anything to prevent the weight of a feeling from lingering. Because it seems that few people make the distinction between a weight that crushes, and one that comforts, envelopes.

In conversations like these, feelings never settle. They hang in the air before being waved off. But they remain, dispersed in microscopic pieces, and they stick and make themselves known when the sun sets, when eyelids become heavy. There's no escaping from a feeling when you're trapped in one box with it, with all emotions and thoughts. It will come back. And its return is good, but one has to be prepared to take it, to embrace it, to understand that weight does not have to be scary.

As easy as it would be otherwise, this is not the job of the individual. Attitudes need to change in society regarding many different aspects of modern life before relationships change, and this requires cooperation that no one seems to be really ready for. But, as I've said before, sincerity seems to be making a return. Maybe fear of feeling will disappear soon and allow people to breathe fresh air again. This is what I'm hoping for.