It's happening again - and I don't know how to handle it.

My Dog, someone that is far more than just a pet - he's been my companion and friend for ten years has cancer. He's dying in a similar manner that my Father did when his Cancer reached Stage 4.

His cancer came back. My Fiancé and I knew that it was going to happen, the vet warned us that it was a possibility. It's not something I knew how to address, but here we are..

I've been trying to keep him comfortable and make sure he has everything he needs. Sleep hasn't been happening much for me. I have to constantly get up and check on him. I'm watching someone I love slowly deteriorate and there's nothing left I can do...

It's like watching my Dad slowly die from cancer all over again, but much worse... I'm actually here to witness it in person.

I never really dealt with my Dad's cancer or his passing - I just accepted that it happened and continued moving through life. It was packed away in the back of my mind and I kept stamping down my feelings. ( Not something I like to admit, but I don't really know how to deal with big emotions - I either ignore them or just isolate myself until it stops. )

Right now, I'm trying to deal with the fact that my dog has cancer, it metastasized and it's come back. The vet told us that once it came back we could either fight it with chemo or just make him comfortable.

He's ten. My baby has the beginnings of dementia and he's dealing with so much already - it would be unfair to put him through that.

She explained that there was a slim chance that the chemo would even work - so even if I did this last option, there wasn't any real guarantee that it would work. So, I'd possibly be putting him through hell, because I wasn't ready to let go.

I feel sick looking over each of these options and knowing that no matter what I decide...he's still going to die.

There's nothing I can do. I feel sick.