it worked!

My last blog centered on my inability to control my emotions, and ive made a promise to be very, very observant of my feelings when in a time of disstress.

that time of distress happened again. My dad today was stern and told me to clean the table for dinner, and when i half-assed it, he yelled at me, not really yelled but he raised his voice and was quite pissed about it. i could feel myself being hurt by his tone and words, i cleaned it again, i could feel the hurt coming to me, but i remained calm, i observed my true inner feelings, and i stopped dwelling on it, i let it go, i didnt cry, i didnt look hurt, i wasnt feeling anything, i just cleaned it and fixed what i failed to do the first time. I suceeded in controlling my emotions and not being angry, sad, or anything negative! i managed to talk to myself. I had to use my "imaginary friends" to make myself calmer.

but it didnt work. My mind was torn on whether to comfort myself or to follow what was logical.

I didnt use their voice to calm, but i used myself, my voice, my mind. no imaginary friends molding what path i would take. But i chose to talk to myself, as me, not as nobody else, not as a persona made to control me, but myself. my actual self. It was odd, i usually looked to my imaginary friends for support, they once helped me stop crying. Their words couldnt affect me anymore, they couldnt change my trajectory. it was weird, but this situation i didnt need them, i needed myself this time, so i suppose theres no fuss.

i hope to be like this more, i want to control myself. goodbye for now, viewer:] i apologize if i sound stupid or edgy or anything bad, i just wanted to share, thats all!

-Steampunk015