#46 - DELUSION

I should probably have written all of what has happened these past few weeks here earlier, but better late than never I suppose. It has been revealed to me that my "girlfriend" I had spoke of earlier had not the feelings for me I thought she had and it was merely a delusion of my mind. I mentioned it explicitly in passing, and then her clarifications on the matter had broken me.

I had spent the next week or so crying myself to sleep every night. You know, ever since I fell in love with her, only now has sleeping alone felt so painful. I never knew what I didn't have until now. But alas, I do not cry as much anymore and I have focused on other matters of my life.

I had made more progress on my game, had fun roleplay nights with some old friends, started learning Lojban for fun. To be fair, she is still in my contacts. I still love her from the bottom of my heart and wish to marry her. But what good is extending a hand out to someone who will swat it away?

In life, you will not always get what you want, and that's alright. Failure is just apart of the process. That's how you learn after all. There will be people who I will love yet they will not reciprocate such. What else is there to do but accept fate and move on? But every tragic love story has a reason after all, because...

NIHIL EST SINE RATIONE