Loss and grief just got even weirder

So uhm, as i write this my parents are having my dog be put down, and i am upset about it but i also have been expecting it for a while, and i was also told about this yesterday so i've had some processing time. But i'm more upset with the fact that he seemed so happy before they left than the fact that i literally wont ever see him again, which is odd, because when i heard about how my grandfather felt before he passed it made me feel a lot better. I assume its because one was a living person that passed on his own time rather than an animal who is being forcefully put down. And that sounds so weird to even say, but i cant compare the two anymore than that without feeling weird.

 I still cry about my great grandfather at least once a week, and i still haven't been able to do a lot of things i used to do on the regular because i always think of him being around and watching me in a way, and that thought always makes me very uncomfortable. And it sounds super terrible but i really dislike dogs, especially my own in the last few years, and now i feel like all those times i yelled at them to stop barking or whining we're probably why they didn't ever really like me either. 

My dog's name is Tito, by the way; and Tito has always been afraid of men, it had to do with his upbringing i think and it really affected my dad, since we got Tito not to long after we lost the best dog in the world who was also my fathers dog, so then we had two. In the past few years said two dogs have not been the best for each-other, they fight a-lot (though verbally, i didn't know dogs fought verbally until this year) But i cant help but think about what my other dog is going to think happened to his brother, or what my cats will think. We have, or had i guess at this point, four animals, and one dog and one cat were similar in nature and in looks, and so were the other two, and so we had "matching sets" as we called them. And now my oldest cat is without her matching set, and i think she will know. 

I don't really know why i am even writing all this out in public, i guess talking about it even if it is to no one just helps me organize my thoughts and feel better about things. I just don't even know what i'm gonna do tomorrow at school, i was so emotional all day anyways and couldn't stop tearing up at every inconvenience- i straight up cried before classes started and then again in 3rd period because the teacher yelled my deadname a bunch if times and then called me 'little girl' to my face (thanks a lot, seriously.) And then when i got home i was fighting off tears too, i allowed myself some tears after my parents left bc i hate crying around them. And now all i can think about is how much more loss awaits me and the loss i have already experienced, and i don't really know what to do with myself, i have a lot of school work to finish today and i don't think i'm going to be able to do it- especially not my summer reading haha. But uhm whatever i can always bring my grade up later, i've got 9 weeks to do so, and its not like i don't know the book at all, if i could just write an essay about it instead to make it up i would happily do that, but who knows. uh bye ig, heres a picture of my dog, rest in peace buddy :)