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on todays episode of why im so fucking sad, it's learning that my ex boyfriend is much happier than i thought he'd be and im just fucking miserable. i keep thinking i should completely start fresh, ignore all this crap about healing and just starting fresh and becoming a new person.
the first thing i thought of doing when i found out that i have been crying myself to sleep for over a month now and he has been partying away at university is to cut all my very long hair off but i can't do that now because i just spent an absurd amount of money to get a hair botox done. my second thought was to start doing my make up differently, which i have actually been enjoying. i've started using more pinky lip liners and wearing highlighter again, even experimenting with false lashes. it's not the most feminist way for me to deal with my problems but hey it's a start!
i also thought of doing an insane social media cleanse where i unfollow every single person that i don't actually know to downsize my instagram. again, not really a real solution but it's stuff that impacts me on a day to day basis. i've also taken up watching old comedy movies i really liked as a kid to distract myself and then writing little reviews on my letterboxd and finding other people who also liked these terrible comedies.
my main cleanse of this relationship is going to be when i delete this google drive folder i have with a bunch of pictures of us as well as these 20 letters i wrote for his birthday. it brings back too many memories and i can't keep loving someone that doesn't want me back. i've already deleted his number and removed his existence from my phone, and when i move back to my dorm for university it'll be like a fresh start almost 15000 kilometers away from him.
i don't know if i am capable of just becoming a whole new person, but i know i am capable of love.
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˖⁺‧₊˚꒰𐙚Rin𐙚꒱˖⁺‧₊˚
CHAT 🗣️💯
don't let yourself think like "idk if I'll ever heal from this" I lost the love of my life, and did the same things, started doing scenecore makeup and cut my hair short, and while it can seem hard to never see em again, TRUST ME, love, you'll be just as happy you were before him, in no time, sometimes things might seem impossible due to the lack of motivation caused by this loss, and lemme tell you a lil trick, start forcing yourself to do stuff, get a new hobby even if you don't like it, I started baking a week after the breakup after finally locking away the cards and drawings I made for her, and right now, not only do I not miss her at all, I'm also the best baker in my family LOLS, however, this one isn't about how to get yourself out of this, it's about how you survive it, don't worry about when it stops or how it stops, it'll go away, stop caring about if he's living life better, my girlfriend got a new girlfriend immediately after leaving, and while it felt so HARD at that time, I say it again, you'll feel betetr, love. Just a while, a long or short while, but a while, think about how happy you used to be and how happy you will be :D
CHAT thank you for sharing your story, it’s definitely giving me more hope for what i can do with my feelings and my free time. i’ve gotten back into fanfiction writing which sounds so silly but it’s keeping me distracted until i start classes again. this made me put things into perspective again, thank you so much
by nishcore; ; Report
Nessa
hi, instagram cleanse is always a good thing! there's no point in keeping strangers there imo..
you should be proud of being a loving person :) i know it's easier said than done, but maybe u should try to detach from the thoughts of him a bit? i'm a pretty spiritual person so idk if it would be beneficial for you, but there are some cool "detach from a person" meditations on youtube that u could try! they've helped me tremendously in the past. but at the end just do whatever u feel like, it's okay to deal with a breakup however you want
thanks for the love and the suggestion! i'm a bit religious (hindu) and meditation is something my mom has been telling me to get into for quite some time now so i think i should finally give it a shot
by nishcore; ; Report