summer of 25......

12/08/25

sorry. i need to write here. I'm definitely high, very high right now, and i just need somewhere to put my thoughts. i can't stop thinking about... about everything. how could our friendship mean nothing to you? 

everything is fine now. everything is okay. we are no longer friends. we'll never talk or laugh again like we used to. because you didn't want to, because you didn't want me, not even as a friend. I never wanted your love at all. I just wanted our friendship, but i guess that was too much to ask for, too. 

 but it was summer just for me. you were always in the winter, where your heart always belonged. I was reborn in the ashes of the heat in the summer, while you remain frozen back at home where the rain falls and the chilly breeze turns you into ice once again. you were always made of ice. And i was always a stupid flame in a candle ready to melt. i was always a timebomb waiting to explode. i have always been on the verge of ending it all, of ruining everything, for me and for everyone. i guess I'm not doing good. i guess i never really have, because I'm too different from everyone else. i pretend I've grown to find my place in the world but i never really will. i guess for someone like me the only real place where we belong is that stupid stage. that's why i have to make it, that's why i have to be famous. A soul as lonelt as mine could only ever shine under a spotlight, for it has nowhere else where it belongs. There's simpler pleasures, souls who shine in the arms of another. Souls who shine helping others. Mine doesn't. Mine doesn't feel anything like the mere thought of having thousands of strangers claiming for you, just for you to exist. 

And for that, I just have to strip my soul bare and share my loneliness with everyone else. For others who may comprehend, for other souls who are as lonely as mine.