University psychological/skills test

Heyy, yesterday (technically before yesterday) I thought about doing an entry, but the only different thing would be that it was the day that marked 1 year since I changed countries, outside of that it would be just the same comments about fear of being the wrong things socially and weight/appearances issues. But now I do have another thing to talk about, I already told it my friend so I won´t write it that fleshed out, but the first part of the day really felt like someone wrote it. Comedic timing, people that really fit into stereotypes and even a "life lesson" that I as a good character will ignore :P-

Basically I was feeling worse than usual about my appearance and also had to make a personality/skills test for the university, which asked about life goals and self-discipline... Sadly there wasn´t the option "life goals are plastic surgery and being liked by people" XD I don´t really have much going for me outside of that, there are no big inspiring dreams or a beautiful story to be told, it was kind of like they were expecting a The Voice audition and all I could offer was a Keeping up with the Kardashians resumé.

Anyways this make my thoughts about appearance dominate even more the day and I was also already feeling worse and worse about my weight, here where I am I have to eat together 3 meals, which sadly make me eat more than normal :7 And right now my sleeping schedule is also pretty cursed, so it isn´t helping to having to "endure" hunger in the dawn or the guilt of snacking :P So basically I decided to go outside home after a week to avoid lunch.

I will skip a part of the story now, the comedy episode was already told to my friend and here is the place for the melodramatic cut :P I got hit on, like really unambiguously hit on, I even noticed the person looking at me, but I thought I was being weird or something like that... This hasn´t happened to me since one time in school (at least not in this way, now I am even rethinking other times in which I also felt like the intentions might go in this direction, but then quickly discarded it). He gave me the number and I feel really guilty of not sending a message, I am so sorry. I really have no idea how to act in these types of situations, my mind automatically always goes in the direction of not dissappointing people and it is really hard to not do want people want... My two "dating" experiences started like that and the only reason I didn´t kiss a friend after she put the two arms around me when I was in front of a wall was because she was a close friend and I thought that in the long run kissing would have bigger chances in damaging the friendship.

I am so sorry everyone. But I don´t want to derail the entry, basically it was pretty ironic that someone really praised my appearance in the day I was thinking even more about it :P If there is someone reading this, nope, I am not 15 years old... I am 21 and have no idea that this type of thing existed outside of movies :P I have no idea how I would act in a party and et cetera, I think now that I am writing this I am understanding more why some friends said that my life is different...

But honestly I like a lot of the aspects of a "sheltered" life, the chances of disappointing people is a lot lower if you don´t have that much contact with them. Soon I will have probably a new shock, since university will begin and I will interact with lots of new people. I love having new friends, but when I start a new friendship I always feel like I will be annoying, do the wrong thing and et cetera... I  feel that with my recent friend with whom I don´t study anymore, I like maintaining contact, but I don´t want to force and... And... And... Thankfully birthdays exist. Anyways, I was hoping to feel less guilty after writing this but it still is in my mind, I want to eat chocolate too, but then I will feel bad for gaining weight :P And here I am again sounding like a stereotypical 15 years old lol If there is someone there, sorry, this site is reserved for my "worst" side, I swear I am not like that in real life XD. Anyways, wish you a good day and byee!! 

Music of now: Nox Arcana.