I AM TIRED OF LIFE AND WANT TO DIE

8/6/25

12:39AM-12:50AM

LOCATION: HOME, DOWNSTAIRS

I AM SO TIRED OF LIFE. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I THINK OF KILLING MYSELF EVERY DAY. I SEE NO REAL FUTURE, OR HOPE, OR REASON TO KEEP LIVING. I WISH I COULD JUST DIE AND NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH CONSTANT DISSAPOINTMENT AND SADNESS. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING I AM NOT MOTIVATED FOR ANYTHING. ALL MY DREAMS ARE TOO FAR TO REACH. I HAVE FAILED IN EVERYTHING I HAVE WANTED AND I DON'T SEE MY LUCK CHANGING ANY TIME SOON. I'D RATHER GO OUT YOUNG THAN LIVE TO BE AN OLD USELESS LOSER. I DON'T ACTUALLY WANNA DIE BUT THINKING OF THE FUTURE MAKES ME WANT A WAY OUT OF THIS LIFE. IT IS TORTURE. I WANT TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. 

I WISH SHE NEVER DID ME THE WAY SHE DID. I WISH I NEVER LOVED HER. I SAY I WISH I NEVER MET HER BUT I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GO BACK AND MEET HER ALL OVER AGAIN. IT HURTS SO MUCH TO SEE HER BE THE WHORE SHE BECAME AND HOW MUCH SHE LIED TO ME. SHE'S THE REASON I AM WHO I AM TODAY. THE REASON I HAVE FALLEN INTO DRUGS AND SELF HARM AND OTHER THINGS. I HAVE NEVER BEEN THE SAME SINCE. 

I HATE MYSELF AND I HATE LIFE AND NOBODY TRULY CARES ABOUT ME. NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE ME. AND I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY. I DON'T KNOW WHY I HAVE THIS LUCK. OTHER PEOPLE EASILY GET WHAT I WANT. IT HURTS SO MUCH. THEY DON'T APPRECIATE IT LIKE I WOULD. THEY DON'T APPRECIATE HER LIKE I WOULD'VE. YET THEY FUCK HER AND LEAVE HER AND SHE CRIES BUT I WAS ALWAYS HERE. 

NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE. MY LIFE IS CONSTANT SUFFERING. SURE, THERE ARE SOME MOMENTS OF HAPPINESS HERE AND THERE BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I ALWAYS END UP IN THE SAME PLACE. WHY ME? WHY DID I HAVE TO BE THIS WAY? WHY COULDN'T I BE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I DON'T UDNERSTAND WHY..

SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT HOW MOST PEOPLE DON'T THINK OF KILLING THEMSELVES EVERY DAY AND IT SHOCKS ME. LIKE, HOW COULD YOU AT LEAST NOT PASSIVELY THINK OF IT EVERY DAY MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. I CAN'T IMAGINE THAT. I WISH I COULD BE THEM. I WISH I COULD BE HAPPY. I WISH I COULD BE HER. 

I CAN'T TAKE IT I JUST CAN'T. I AM NOT CRAZY. I AM NOT STUPID. I JUST WANNA STOP FEELING THIS WAY AND ACTUALLY BE WORTH SOMETHING. I WAN'T TO BE OKAY.