i still dont know

i get the things i want , they piss me off. i get the things i dont want , they still piss me off. i dont think i deserve anything until i get my emotions together . i have so many things i want and dont want but i do not need them . for instance , a boyfriend! i dont deserve one . i want someone to prefer me over everyone and everything! i dont deserve that either . i dont deserve anything .  because i am too emotional to handle it when its given to me . 

idk if i ever clarified but i do not want anyone feeling sorry for me . i'd rather you laugh about this with your friends! im just weird and stubborn that is all ok