absurd amount of free time

its been a while since i've posted anything here, its just bc i didnt feel like writing anything at all during this break and also there's nothing to write about. these days have been so boring and dull that I didnt feel like doing anything besides doomscrolling on my phone and even doing that has became so boring that I returned to spacehey to vent about it. 

Even with free time and liberty to go anywhere i want, my friends dont want or cant go out, its like theyre busy with their lives or something and I hate that because I dont wanna be the weirdo who go places on their own, its awkward and lonely and I like the ideia but only for a few moments because then I realize if im somewhere without a task or a purpose there's absolutely nothing to do at all and I feel empty and an outcast. Besides, being a girl walking alone these days is pretty dangerous so I would also feel unsafe.

I cant go out, I cant stay in forever, what im I supposed to do with myself? Wait until I go back to college? I fucking hate college and would not like to go back, even though I need to and it will come back in a week. The thing is I feel like I have nothing to do and its killing me because if i have nothing to do then i'll have to deal with my own thoughts and actually think about my future as a person. Someone end my life before i go crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. The rats made me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. The rats made me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. The rats made me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. The rats made me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. they locked me in a room. a rubber room. a rubber room with rats. The rats made me crazy.