guilt or something

ive done a lot of things to a lot of people that i regret . i dont know if theyre really that big of a deal , but everytime someone talks to me in a non positive way it just kills me . i convince myself they dont care and that they hate me , even if they said otherwise 20 times . i wont believe them. i think i have trust issues. its hard to believe anyone who says they care when they take so long to reply to me . which yeah everyone has their own life to attend to…except me whos always stalking people because of how boring my life is! i think its stupid i want someone to care about me . i have so many flaws . i cant handle conflict . im a loser really . and everyone thinks i need help

i dont know what i need and i dont know what i wantz it all is slowly starting to seem irrelevant to me since im hurting people no matter what . everytime i message anyone i feel like an attention seeking asshat which is a reason why i dont do it first. i hate myself lol and i am so insecure!!! total buzzkill sorry