Sorry I Never Said Goodbye

goodbye.

is that how you say it?

i simply didn’t know how to.

i still care deeply about you,

but saying goodbye makes it too real.

so instead,

i’ll just wish you the best.

i love you guys.

the fun trips. the trauma bonding. the gossip.

but i outgrew it.

i asked you,

right before i almost left the first time:

“are we bigger than our trauma?”

you said yes.

but you never showed up for me after that.

not on my birthday.

not when i ended up homeless again.

not when you knew i was going through a hard breakup.

yeah, okay.

i’ll admit it—

i knew this wasn’t going to last.

but i still had hope.

i hoped you'd be different.

because i saw myself in your eyes.

i just wanted to protect you.

i saw how you got hurt the first time.

but who was protecting me?

you told me things about him.

this and that.

but it was never a real warning.

so i saw forever in his eyes.

and then, both friendships ended

at the same time.

because you couldn’t see the wrong in what he did—

since you were treating me wrong too.

so i left the friend group.

no goodbye.

just a quiet “i hope everything is alright”

to you,

and him.

then i picked me for the first time.

and it hurt.

i cried.

but the only way for me to get better

is to stop focusing on the bad

and start making room for the good.

so this is goodbye.

maybe not forever.

but definitely for now.

XOXO 

Your future supermodel 

kiss kiss