STAT: Someone Stop Grandma!

Today was pretty calm, but I’ve got a hilarious story that sticks out from my time working as a pharmacy tech during the COVID pandemic at a busy hospital. My job had me refilling the Pyxis machine, restocking crash carts, and zooming through the maze of departments to deliver meds on STAT orders. I even got to compound medications, which kept things interesting. Amidst all the chaos, I made great friends with nurses and doctors – the kind of friendships where you bond over shared exhaustion and dark humor.

One particularly memorable day, I was wheeling around my little pharmacy cart (basically a mobile drugstore) when an announcement blared overhead: "We have a code yellow. I repeat, we have a code yellow." I'd never heard that code before. As I stepped into the elevator, two ICU nurses, Cody and Liam, joined me, laughing like they'd just heard the best joke of their lives. When I asked what a code yellow meant, Cody barely managed to gasp out between laughs, "Missing patient." Liam added, "And this particular patient is an older lady walking around butt-naked right now." 

I thought they were messing with me – this had to be some hospital prank on the newbie. But when the elevator doors opened on the first floor near the ER, there she was: an elderly woman strolling confidently down the hallway in nothing but her birthday suit, waving cheerfully at staff like she was the queen of the hospital. I froze for a second, thinking, "This image is permanently burned into my retinas now."

Instead of hitting the close button and noping out of there, I noticed she was making a beeline for the exit. I approached carefully, using my best soothing voice: "Where are you going?" She looked at me with mild confusion and said, "I don't know. I'm just trying to find something to eat because the food here is absolutely awful." Thank goodness she hadn't reached the cafeteria yet – can you imagine the scene that would have caused?

I offered my hand, and to my surprise, she took it willingly. There I was, a 4'11" pharmacy tech essentially babysitting a naked elderly woman twice my size, guiding her through the hospital like this was completely normal. When we reached the nurses' station, I deadpanned, "I heard you lost something?" The nurse looked up from her computer, equal parts relieved and exasperated: "Yeah, one of our patients went missing during shift change." I grinned and gestured to my new friend, "Well, I found her."

After they got her dressed and settled back in her room, I checked on her later. Her face lit up when she saw me: "Thank you, Angel, for helping me get back to my room!" Turns out she'd been admitted after a fall where she hit her head. The nurse gave her Jell-O as a consolation prize for her adventure.

When I told Cody and Liam about my escapade, they lost it laughing. Apparently security had been searching everywhere with no luck, and anyone else who tried approaching her had scared her off – probably because, you know, she was naked and they were strangers in scrubs. From that day on, I earned the nickname "The Granny Whisperer." Anytime a code yellow went out for an older patient, staff would jokingly call the pharmacy to see if I could "sense" them nearby.

The kicker? When her daughter came to pick her up, she casually told the nurses, "Oh yeah, Mom wandering around naked is pretty normal for her." As a thank you, I even got surprise cookies delivered to the pharmacy. 

I've got tons of stories like this from my hospital days. While I eventually burned out as a pharmacy tech (healthcare is no joke), I'll always cherish these absurd moments. To all my healthcare warriors out there – keep rocking it like I rock my Crocs. It takes a special kind of person to thrive in that chaos. Hope this gave someone a much-needed laugh today!

Goodnight or good morning to you all! ＼(⌒▽⌒)