7.31.25 - incoherent, irrelevant, & too long

It's been exactly two weeks since my last post. Honestly didn't mean for that to happen, but whatever. Nothing super interesting has really happened anyway. 

I was with my boyfriend for four days just now, so that sort of kept my brain quiet. Now I'm home, and it's a lot less quiet. It's kind of annoying. I also wish I could do something about it, but I can't. I guess I actually could, but it's whatever. Me and my boyfriend hung out in his room a lot, which was actually really nice. We saw the new Jurassic World which was pretty scary. Spoiler alert, but why the fuck did the D-Rex get like fifteen minutes total of screen time? They used it for like, the entire movie promo. It was still a good movie either way. We drove around in his car for a bit, and I guess I've evolved because I feel comfortable enough to talk his ears off the entire time. We went to a really good thrift store and got lunch before I went home.

Anyway, I kind of have no plans for the next month. I think. I'm supposed to start learning how to drive at some point, and there's a chance I might stay with family at a lake for a week. Family I don't really like, but it's whatever. Gets me out of this house I guess. But otherwise, I have no plans for August. It's already the last day of July, it's probably going to hot, humid, and shitty. Literally my next plans are for September, after I start school.

Speaking of school, I'm pretty sure I'm going to a new one. I don't have any of my credits for some reason, after they literally told me I'd have them. My old school won't take me back, my first option is $700 per semester, which is way too fucking expensive. Option two would make me repeat freshman year again, and I would rather die than do that. Option 3, which is probably where I'm going, will actually take me, not force me to repeat a year, and I don't have to pay for it. 

The worst part? I'm not going to know anybody. My first high school was in a different city, but I knew a few people before I went. My new one is in the same city, but I don't anybody who goes there. I'm going to have to meet new people all over again. It's three years of school though, so like... is talking to anybody actually worth it? I mean I have friends that I hang out with all the time, so I don't really know. I guess being by myself at school for three years would kind of suck.

What am I even going to do after high school though? I've been thinking about it a lot actually. I really want to be a musician, but I honestly fucking suck and I barely have motivation to get out of bed. Am I really going to have motivation to like, play shows and shit? Probably fucking not. I have three years to figure it out. It sounds like a pretty long time, and it kind of is, but it's really not. Maybe that's just me. Realistically I have as much time as I need to figure my life out after I graduate, but I haven't even started sophomore year and I already feel like I'm out of time. I think that's one of my biggest problems. Not knowing what I'll do after I graduate if I even make it there genuinely feels like the end of the world. Obviously it's not, and I know that.

I'm just talking in circles, really. My point is, I'm bored, losing my mind again, and I don't know what to do.

I have a habit of saying 'it's whatever' and 'I'll get over it'.

I still have yet to figure that out.

If my boyfriend's seeing this, sorry for ignoring your text. I'm kinda fucked up right now, but I'm fine.