I love having a printer

I wish I was a girl. I wish I was a boy. 

I wish I didn't exist. 

But I'm glad I'm alive.

I wish my thoughts weren't so numerous. But I still wonder why my brain went so quiet.

I wish I wasn't single, but at the same time I am glad I've always been.

I wish I could care. And there I am, being selfish because I always end up hurting when I care.

I only exist online. My screen time is awful. Eleven hours a day. but people think I'm cool, they like what I create and my room. I can exist because of my interests. I don't have to worry about anything, real life is boring. I read fanfiction because it comforts me to see how much other people share that love for something I do love myself. No new confusing characters, just someone I know well myself. 

I used to seek attention. Playing an instrument and wanting to be a doctor so adults acknowledge me and don't think I'm just a stupid and gullible kid, and are proud of me.

I think they miss my eight years old self, and honestly, I miss them too.

My grand mother had an accident today, and I didn't fucking know. She broke many bones after a whole cupboard fell on her. She's at the hospital. I feel bad. I feel bad because I didn't read my messages and my mom called me a monster. Seriously ? mom I know you're tired but that's is not a reason. I'm going to call her tomorrow. I try to care.

The other day, I printed stuff. Mcr bullets era photo and pierce the veil poster. I love my room. even if that stupid pokemon poster keeps falling down. Yeah.