THIS TRAGIC AFFAIR

I'm currently writing this on a computer so this will likely be pretty long. Holy molay was yesterday a dream. I literally was in the same building as my favorite band in the world and I was able to see them in this lifetime. 

So my mom and I got there pretty early, we got dropped off and walked to the entrance and I saw so many cool people already. Throughout my entire time there it felt like a convention of people who were just like me, and i felt like i belonged. I've always struggled with being shy and never really fitting in, don't get me wrong  I don't want to be another cog in the machine, but i want to be out there and known, yk? I saw such amazing outfits, some being Black Parade Miku, pool boy shirts, secretary Gerard, the Demo lovers, Helena, revenge Frank and Gerard, and dozens of different t shirts. Speaking of, i wanted to get merch but all the lines were super long and unforunately we couldn't buy any. I did however get the YEA and NAY signs, they're taped on my wall now. Oh yeah, my outfit. I'll put a photo after I post this, it was taken when i tested it out before the concert date, might not be so good. I also did Frank's skeleton paint as best I could. It lasted the entire event somehow, but it was refreshing to take off.

We finally found our seats after climbing like, i wanna say at least 10 flights of stairs, all the way at the top of the stadium. I wasn't excited thattt much because I didn't even know if I'd have a good view, but it was pretty nice. I was able to see the entire field, but I had to stare at the big screens the whole time. While we were walking, a passerby gave me a baggie with an mcr bracelet and a candy. That encouraged me to give out my own bracelets. I made about 13 based on The Black Parade tracks, and I toyed with the idea of trading. I eventually got up and wandered around, scanning for anyone to approach. I found a group of girls and bravely carried my bracelets to them. They were extremely friendly and I could talk forever about them. They were around 18 I assume, I don't know their names but I gave one my instagram, I think her name is Jaden. I was given a Kobra and "Not That Kind of Girl" bracelets, and I had a handful of mine given out. All the girls actually barely had met, yet all talked like they were besties. They did the same to me. I brought up my imprisoned dad and Jaden went "you win", as I went "MCR reference" LOL. I even discussed my situationship from middle school, and they understood as they were also lesbians, at least two I assume. 

Jaden and I walked up to this SUPER COOL LOOKING couple to trade, and I got a kandi cuff along with a purple Mikey bracelet. This couple were awesome, one had a strap (without the obvious part ofc) under their shorts, and the other had epic red hair and tons of jewelry. I said how that was my first concert, and that people like these ones are who I love but too scared to talk to. The latter person in the couple said how they were super shy and I couldn't believe it. I suppose cool people are shy but compensate with performative confidence, until it becomes more than an act. I'll try to do that when I go back to school. I have a goal that my junior year will not be like soph year. I won't be (as) shy as I was and I will make friends or talk with the cool alt kids, as I'm one of them. I don't want to ruin myself because I'm scared. I will be known. 

Okay now time for the opener. BTW This has taken me about 3 days so far to write. Just wanted to say that.

So I went back to my seats and told my mom how I met new people and I showed off my gifts. The stage was being set up and Wallows were soon to play. I was pretty excited to have them as my opener as I know none of the other featuring bands besides Evanescence. I've listened only to their debut album, Nothing Happens. A piece of lore about myself is that in 2020, while I was in the Youtube gacha community (yes I did make videos. No I was not successful.), I saw the "hi" trend that used their most popular song. I then saw the music video and I've known about their existence since then. I'm becoming more of a fan now though. I like their vibes and Dylan Minnette is pretty fine lol. But yeah, they're a bit nostalgic for me, as I kinda miss 2020 me in a bittersweet way. 

I took a couple videos of some songs I knew, as they have lots I don't know. I had to sew my recordings into a youtube video because my phone storage is absolutely cooked. I can add the link if anyone wants to see. The crowd was kind of hype as there were enough people there but some didn't pay attention as nobody likes openers. When they played "Are You Bored Yet?" I was super excited because not only is it nostalgic, but it describes my relationship pretty well (and I know I'll get asked about this line later). The sun was setting and the breeze was kicking in, as it was pretty hot when we first got there. It was so nice, the photos I took were gorgeous. My mom had no clue who they were and asked if they were the JONAS BROTHERS...and then, "He looks like from 13 Reasons Why". I honestly forgot Dylan was an actor so I went "idk" and then she was proven right. 

And then it was the star of the show. This is honestly a bit scary to write as I keep getting flashbacks of their set as if I went to war. It has now been a week and a half since I've started writing, I've been really avoiding this if you can tell. 

I was waiting for ages it felt as some filler music was being played. Everytime a guitar was strummed or a drum being hit I freaked out and started recording, but it was just sound checking and I kept getting anxious. Until finally, some DRAAG actors went onstage and put the bundle of wheat/sticks on the drums. I heard somebody say that the reason they do that is in memory of Bob, which I believe and I find that really sweet. I know he's hated in the fandom for good reasons, but he was still a good friend of theirs. I prefer not to speculate on the band's personal lives (like the Lyn-z controversies), because it's none of anyone's business but theirs. 

Anyway, the band came on FINALLYYYYYY and in my recording you cannot even hear the opening words as I was screaming louder than I ever have. I was able to record the Dead! transition as well and it was so surreal to hear it live. I could go on with every individual song but I'd be saying the same thing, that it was a dream come true and I didn't even feel like I was really in there. I'm so used to hearing these songs, as I've played them for 3 years continuously, that I didn't cry or have a breakdown or anything that emotional. 

I just screamed, all the words, I danced to the melodies, I looked around me, saw that I wasn't the odd one out. This stadium was filled to the brim with people that looked so different, from each other, from me. We all have completely different lives, we all went to our homes that night, sharing one experience and one passion. One thing I love about My Chem is bigger than the band itself, the fans. Millions of people that may even rival my passion for this music. That cling onto the songs for various reasons, the comfort the messages give us. The way we don't feel weird when talking with other fans, because they truly get us. I love how included I felt that day. I wasn't Ivory. I wasn't a girl who's been through the worst in life. I wasn't a weird little emo kid alone in my room, constantly online because that's where people understood me. I was just another roar in the crowd. I was hidden by my crappy paint. I was nobody and somebody at once. I wish I had that anonymous belonging again. 

A notable part is I didn't record I Don't Love You. This is because people were passing out colored tickets around the stadium, my section was yellow. It was a fan project I saw on Tiktok where during that song, the stadium would be a sky of rainbow lights. It was gorgeous. I also didn't record Teenagers, but that's because I was rockin out my fear of people my own age haha. I also got to participate in a historical election: Ketchup or Mustard for the "Grand Immortal Dictator". I voted mustard and now everytime I have a hot dog, I quote the vote. Famous Last Words was such a special song, because at the bridge we all sang together, although it was pretty out of tune that Gerard had to help us. I even got to witness their kidnapping and deaths, and then the suicidal clown during Blood. Then it was the cello intermission.

In hindsight I should've used that break to my advantage, but I was terrified I'd miss them coming back. It's been two weeks now and I really hope to get this done by the end of the week sorry.

So then they came back to B-Stage, and I'm forever jealous of the people who got floor tickets and got to see them directly in person. I'd really really love to meet them one day. Gerard was STILL wearing that fuckass camo jacket, it's his new leather jacket I swear. Him and Ray were matching together, wearing the LA exclusive (?? I think I forgot) Mikey/James Dean shirt. He mentioned that and said they changed it to Mikey for copyright reasons haha. I recorded almost all the times he was talking and it felt just so special to me, like he was casually talking to a sold out stadium. I wish to have that experience one day. 

Anyway, they started with Helena, and I freaked because usually they've played that at the end. I can somewhat sing that song well and best believe I sang my guts out. Then, it was Na Na Na and oh my god it felt like I was a party. Like, house party or something, which I've never been to before. It was sooooo hype and I was breathless trying to sing the chorus. The Ghost of You was beautiful, I don't even need to explain. Just listen to it. I loooveee singing that randomly. If it seems I'm rushing these songs, I am because I don't remember everything word-for-word, and I haven't watched those recordings yet. Then, it was the "number 1 summer jam" according to Gerard, and he was so right. It was super duper exhilarating getting to scream "I'M NOT OH-FUCKING-KAY" right next to my mother, easily one of my favorite moments.  

AND THEN THEY DECIDED TO SHOOT ME. CEMETERY DRIVE?????? ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS EVER WHAAAATTTT. Best believe I was IN SHOCK AAAAAA. And the setlist kept getting even BETTER. FOUNDATIONS?? I've only heard that song a couple handful times, not enough to know the words, but I was SAT and recording with my mouth all :O It's the only one I recorded all the way I think. THEN THEY COVERED BULLET WITH BUTTERFLY SONGS and I stood up and absolutely vibed. I've also heard that song a handful times as it's a classic, but I loved it. Frank was cooking when he made this setlist because S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W??? THEN PRISON? AND YOU DECIDED TO END WITH THE KIDS FROM YESTERDAY??? DO YOU WANT TO MURDER ME? God I truly won that night honestly. I do wish they played a bullets song (cough, Early Sunsets or Vampires..) but I cannot complain at ALL. Surprisingly, I haven't cried at all post-concert or even when we were on our way home. On the car home I was so tired and just in shock. I shed a tear when I was listening to MCR on the drive home and Disenchanted played. I don't have any regrets to how that day went and I'd give anything to experience it again. 

But yeah that's my first concert experience :3 I will be annoying about this for the rest of my life and now this blog can finally be finished. Thank you if you decided to read it all.