Another HUGE Update (TW:SH)

Trigger Warning: Self-Harm

Hewwo!! I CAN FINALLY USE SPACEHEY AGAIN!!!! I missed using Spacehey sm. ≧◡≦

(I'm using dad's old PC).

About school:

Anyways.. Yeah. So many things happened lately. I finally have my OWN COOKING CLUB!!≧°◡°≦ It was a disaster, but my teacher turned out to actually be supportive and caring (I hope so..). I joined cheerleading, but I'm not that good yet, so I have to keep on practicing!! My grade of the half first semester isn't so good, but it's close to half of the score. I can still do works to increase my score up to pass, so I try not to be so blue about it (KEEP SMILING AND THINK POSITIVELY!!!).!o◡O!

About life:

They didn't call me back. Last week I went to the restaurant, I got stared up and down by other workers who seemed to be in adulthood. I was hesitant to go inside and apply, and they told me to just call the number on the hiring sing, so I did. The person on the phone told me to add ID contact instead, and I did. He texted me to text all the information and resume to hi, I did... :'<

It's been fully 1 week and I was supposed to start working yesterday.

Things are getting worse, but I'm keeping up! I wouldn't have time to focus on my small business now tho cuz I have to practice cheerleading, and my academic useless spoiled brother hired me a tutor to make sure I aced the exam. Fuck, I can barely find time to read books that I actually enjoy. I also started cutting my wrist and arm again unfortunately>:-(  (I was 2 years clean). Don't worry! I'll keep up and keep being positive... People say that I'm too kind and too friendly in a very positive way, They said something is wrong with me, even the juniors in my club told me that they found it very odd that I cannot get mad or yell like other people, which I'm still trying to figure why, but I'm definitely NOT going to tell that to my psychiatrist because I've seen people around me got sent t mental hospitals and there's NO CHANCE for them to start, and then they have to move away somewhere to start fresh again. I can't let that happened... I still have to survive for something I don't even know myself. No mistake will be made, I will make sure of that. (This somehow turns to venting but ehh XD)

I feel like my laziness is getting to me (╥﹏╥), I feel tired all the time. I started not wanting to go to school, I want more sleep. I usually eat little, but now I start eating less.. and less... I'm pretty tired ngl. Don't worry tho!! I'm still continuing my journey of making school lunch box for myself. But I haven't make much lately because I have to study for school and stuff. It's like they want students to give their soul to school only and nothing else, but then these teachers told us to "Go outside and find yourself!". I don't believe people who can't even change the system with the power they have, they're liars, and they know it.（`_ゝ´)

Anyways... Here's the VDOs and PICs!!! ^_^

Video_and_Pictures_4U

1st video:

My geography teacher trade class with my English teacher, and the teacher told us to be in a school library because she had to help other teachers with the competition in the library. I was SO HAPPY!!! LIKE CAN YOU IMAGINE 1 CLASS PERIOD IN LIBRARY?? I love books so much I went to grab so many books. I tried talking about books to some of classmates and they told me that "Books are for lone-wolf introverted losers", so I didn't bother anymore. I had to sit the opposite side of my classmates tho because they were very loud and there's no space for me to read in there.. (I HATE PEOPLE WHO DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES IN LIBRARIES!!!!!!! AHHHHH >:((( ).

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ [flips a table]

2nd video:

We're in the home-economy class, this half semester we will be learning Gardening! I sat with other quiet kid in the back because all the tables were full. Teacher gave us 2 assignments that we have to finish in this half semester, so it's a big project. She told us to make groups of four for an assignment, there were only two of us. There's this table with 5-6 boys in class, the teacher was annoyed that they would not split up, but the boys didn't really care and made jokes of it. Suddenly, one student in our class told the teacher that she's going to study abroad on August 5th, so she changed to make groups of 5 instead. As soon as she said that, there's one girl from a popular group in school rushed to me to join their group. The other quiet kid insured me that it's fine, he'll find a group himself, so I went with the popular kids.. :[ (I'll probably have to carry the team or smth.. At least I have group to work with!)

3rd video:

This is the video of the school's FIRST EVERY CLUB LEADER MEETINGS!!≧✯◡✯≦

 I was so nervous. To summary the topics in the meeting: We had to a document about club activities and how each club would be presenting their club in the workshop event next year. I had a meeting with my club member who is the 2nd co leader (other co leader didn't come to school that day). Then we let the teacher checked and she approve! It was nice. She seemed to start worrying about me... She asked me if I'd be able to handle the kids well, I made a promise with her that I'd make sure things go good and I will try my best!≥^.^≤

4th video:

Just me checking the club room/cleaning up because some members have extra classes, plus I'm the club leader! I have to take responsibilities. Sometimes they forgot to unplugged the oven, misplaced the tools, but It's not so much. Some of them even stayed up a bit and helped me clean.

ヽ(´ー`)人(´∇｀)人(`Д´)ノ I luv all my club members <3

5th video:

Sport event starts now, so there are a LOT of people around after school. It was CHAOTIC!! @_@

6th video:

I workout to relief stress. Some people look at me weird because I'm in skirt, but who cares?! >:D I have cheerleading practice after tho, so it's nice to warmup for 2 hours of practicing after school 4 days a week (I didn't really want to join, but the popular kids lied to me that they would join too. I can't turn back now because I can do a leg split). v( ‘.’ )v

7th video:

That's my Bass AMP!! Oh yeah, I didn't know if I mentioned this before... I JOINED A BAND AT SCHOOL!! I FINALLY GET TO PLAY WITH OTHER PEOPLE. The guitarist took things very serious, and I want to be as good as him, so I practice on my free time. Still in progress of learning to bass slap.(◑.◑)

8th video:

★My secret spot!★ The day I recorded this was the day English teacher didn't come to teach us for unknown reason. I figured she's not coming, so I grabbed my bag and my novel, and got out of that class to my secret spot. It was not clean, but it had a very nice lighting for reading. Nobody knows about where I stay when I skip class, it makes me love it even more! I don't usually skip classes by the way, I only skip when teachers don't teach cuz I'm here to learn, not to sit around and do nothing to kill time.凸(¬‿¬)

1st picture:

I was on my way to the nurse office in school to sleep! <('o'<)~ I'm not actually sick, just another way to skip. It was a homeroom class, my advisor teacher had to fly back to his home due to his personal life (There's a war going on, so I assumed it's about the war since it just started that day) my other advisor teacher didn't come, so I skipped to sleep. I could actually sleep in the class, but my classmates were loud.

2nd picture:

I just woke up and noticed the light was pretty, so I took a pic! I was planning to sleep for 30 minutes, but I slept there for 1 FULL HOUR!! O_O I slept through the meeting in the school meting hall, too. Luckily there's nothing that is an important topic, they were just announcing about studying abroad to England, which I was never interested in. The nap was definitely worth it!=D

3rd picture:

My lazy ass brother finally went to college after 3 years of dropping out. I asked my dad to let me go with him up with dad, and he agreed. It's been SO LONG since I've seen street lights at night, I LOVE NIGHT TIME SO MUCH!!!!! ≧❂◡❂≦

4th picture:

Two days ago, I went to a wedding. Nothing interesting because almost everyone there was old and I don't even know them, I met some people I'm familiar with and it was nice. One of my cousin's girlfriend tried to talk and get along with me, she was very kind. She was VERY energetic, and she talks a lot. Nobody in the family talks to me, even that cousin, until his girlfriend started the conversation. She asked about school and stuff, that's when both of them realized about my school situation (that I have no friends, and that I gave up on finding friends). It's not that bad for me, so it's cool. I got to talk about books too!! (YAY BOOKSSKKSKSK \ ˚▽˚ /  ), she's pretty nice,

5th picture:

Just wanna show my nails. I LOVE PAINTING MY NAILS BLACK!! (っ◕‿◕)っ ♥

6th picture:

It's a traditional thing they said.. like you have to let the bride and the groom sit on the bed and then two people who stayed together the longest have to praise both of them and then wished them happy family and blah blah. Anyways, I made that rose heart and two swans. *_*

7th picture:

A selfie of me!! I luv my school bag sm!!! Do u like my school bag? :33

8th picture:

I was making paperworks for my club activities. I have to take responsibilities!!! (My club teacher who helped me told me to make them for events so that we can write all the menus we made on these papers). ツ

9th picture:

We were about to take geography quiz exam. I sat alone, so when the teacher came and told us to sit separately, I didn't have to do anything! After the exam, we got our midterm score. I got 9.5/20. I'm not gonna be disappointed, because I'm making progress!! And I will keep making progress. This is just half of first half semester (1/4 semester), so it's not too bad.before the teacher came, one of my classmate noticed the cuts on my arm and suddenly pointed it out, I told him that it was an accident and that the mirror in my room fell and made a cut on my arm. (It actually happened because m parent tried to break in my room and I rushed to the door, it was the other cut tho so that means I'm not lying (─‿‿─) )

10th picture:

I couldn't finish the science assignment in time, so I had to do it outside of class (middle of the hall). It was okay, but I was late to the cheerleading practice. When I practiced, one of the seniors who was a trainee noticed the cuts on my arm and asked about it, I told him that it's nothing serious, just bruises from accident. I hope they don't overthink about it too much. /╯﹏╰\

11th picture:

My first ever lunch box to school!!! It's not so much, but I've made progress. Hope I can make more. I actually need food because I started feeling lightheaded but yeah I'm not gonna complain about things, I have to be strong. ὸ.ό

12th picture:

My self study before school. This is my favorite method of learning! I'm going to do my best and I won't give up! ≧✯◡✯≦

This is pretty much all for the blog today. I actually have old video of family vacation that I was planned to post blog back 3 months ago, but I'll post later! Tysm for reading this far. :D

Some new stuff:

I just realized that there's not supposed to be CCTV in the house, I learned this from talking to AI because I was ranting about how I was going to faint and that I needed food. My house had CCTV in the kitchen and living room. The AI also told me that it's not common for parents to break in their kid's room whenever they're pleased. Idk what to do with the information since I can't seek help anyway. Mehh. :I