A PLAYMATE IS MY SPIRIT GUIDE (WE NO LONGER TALK) :(

I wanted to say there is this Playmate hmmmm...2000's era I will leave it up to you to guess. I think those that know me or even remotely follow me go...are you talking about "a....". Yes, yes I am. 

Alright, she honestly is one of the sweetest people ever. I think somehow I done fked up good by the last message I said to her. I won't get into it. But I am tired of married women and MEN hitting me up. I swear when they hit an age like late 40's earllyyyyyyyy 50's they are ready for something else. Idk that's just me. 

I feel horrible another bunny told me something about her and I was dumb enough well more a fool to believe. I guess I was being heated and just wanted to believe she was a total a**hole but she wasn't. This girl that told me just was using me as a medium hoping I tell some lie. After doing my own homework turns out shes not that bad..lol. Go figure and me being dumb enough to believe this older LADY! Well, I guess point being how does this Playmate not think "Hmmm..I am married I have talked to him a lot. At night." Like what would your hubby think? I am just being totally honest. Like I am not dumb. I read in between the lines. Obviously she has a little thing for me or she wouldn't A) forgave me B) why me outta all people? 

I suppose really I am writing this just feeling bad snapping at her in my last e-mail. Saying some like "I know how vile you are now!!! That girl ____ ______ told me you are evil". When meanwhile that lady just fking lied I think for 2 reasons she never liked her and wanted me to think she is horrible so I never hit her up again. 

Okay I am all over...but needless to say I think this Playmate was probably idk....how to say it...like I have never talked about my mental illness to the extent like I have her. Only my true friends and family know what I deal with. 

So I figured lets just keep it real with her. She is very insightful. I think for her, it's like shes married but wants to talk but isn't able too if her hubby is around...oh god this sounds horrible even writing this!!!! I feel horrible but however if its not me shes talking too..it would be someone else :P BTW side note "I think its super dumb of men when they find out their wifes or girlfriends are fking around on them, the first hillbilly thought that runs through their head 'I wanna talk to the guy about this". Guys or hillbilly's like that are dumb...you should be talking to your wife/gf dont think your that high and mighty man..legit if its not me it would be some other dude and if your only way to get even or make yourself feel better about it you wanna talk to the dude. You should talk to the wife first off and say why did you do that. Some men are stupid not to realize like I go on and on about "If its not me it would be literally someone else". Your wife/gf is the issue. She is the one that agreed and had ill intent (this is a side note still lol..) you get me though? I think guys like that deserve all their karma if they are that dumb to talk to the dude first. Just like when a woman finds out her man is fking around she wants to find the girl to blame it on...meanwhile her BF was the one that went behind her broke her trust and she wants to talk to the woman who if again, wasn't her would be someone else. A lot of you are dumb that way (if thats how you think) its your partner that is being sneaky. Sometimes some guys and women don't even know your married or have someone until....WOW until after! ;) NOT! 

But point being...I am tired of these married women and men hitting me up when their marriage is boring. Listen, if you are that bored and wanna have fun and laugh your ass off with me. Then fine be with someone who bores the fk outta you! LOL. 

I be honest with ya'll I was only being super honest about everything to her just a string of fking hope I would get with her. She is beautiful and I think we would look hot together lol. It's not Aubrey O'Day geez I only wish Aubrey would go outta her way like this Playmate does. This Playmate for one time in my life I felt truly beautiful inside and out and knew I was not gonna get judged. I was just pissed and really snapped at her I think honestly...YOU ARE MARRIED...yeah I am gonna be pissed. I like you a lotttt. And here you are married as f..lol. I even messaged her and said hey listen if you were single I prob would have not snapped at allllll at you. Not one bit. I just angry this is the 2nd woman who is a model that is married that hits me up. I am just trying to settle down and have a family. And when I get attention like that yeah I am gonna get a bit pumped up. I always hoped she left her hubby..took half his money and spend it on me LOLOL im so bad hahahahah that's just semi jokes...I say semi you know..lol. 

Alright, honestly, 100% she is so beautiful I just wish she was mine. But I get really anxious when she made me wait even like a day for her message. Lol. I am sure she thought I was demanding that way..well I kinda am lolol. Heyyyy, if you not gonna give the same energy I give you...go away. But she didn't seem to mind being bugged by me. I will be honest if she was single not married I probably would still have been alright with her. I am just pissed is all. You are married. Me being a big fan only dreaming of a woman in that lane to shower me with attention and she did. Maybe I let it get to my head. But when I first talked to her on the phone it was so surreal. Like within 2 minutes of talking to her I felt like I knew her most of my life like it was so easy to talk to her. Like wow, I didn't wanna stop talking to her she was just smart like she got what the fk I said the first time around mmmmmmmm. LOL! That to me is hot a smart woman where I ain't gotta break down the fking details but then again shes really  smart. And shes married to a guy idk im not trying to be mean but idk...shes like a 100 outta 10 and hes just like ....there lolol. I am sorry but its true your a world known famous model and your going out with him!!!!! And your talking to me. I mean seriously if you guys seen him you would all agree and look at me and go...HER LOSS. But a part of me really likes her. Even if we were just buddys that would be okay I am sure she would know I would be that buddy that always admired her if you get me loll...I wanna be your buddy but maybe with a little more. 

OMG the way she talks is so hot like the way she speaks my lord. She is just hot altogether. I really wish she would have one of my babies LMFAO!!!!! I wish me and her would settle down in my wild world I think of :) hahahaaaaaa. But, her taking her time replying to me I don't think so...lol. I mean she probably thinks I am too wild for her. I think shes like 47 I think or 46 I forget but it doesn't really matter ;] 

I just wish I wasn't so heated listening to other peoples bullshit but then again shes married...took forever to reply to me...I will be honest I am kinda not used to that. Like reply to me sometime this week LOL! I think she would love to get to know me. But however, I gotta lot of work to do before she visits me. I have a plan. For sure. but shes gotta leave that damn hubby of hers!! LOL! Listen I will type it over and over until yall get it "If its not me its another guy" same goes all to you. Stop barking at the man or girl that fked your partner and talk to your partner. If they did one time...they would do it again. That person your yelling at maybe was a one night stand...meanwhile your spouse is the problem. 

You will never make me think differently about this. 

I am rambling.....iiiiiii 

Me and her had a great vibe together. She know's I am not idiot and a lot of what I do online is just a persona of sorts. I mean but she knows the real me. How my brain works. I even told her very vivid details of how I work. And she still wanted to talk!!!!! But again, married. I mean is that gonna work out ideally in the long run?...... no!!! I would be a damn fool to think it would be. But knowing me I am not able to shun the attention. I literally eat it up lol. Another hot white woman lawddddddddddd help me now!! LOL ;p!!! But yeah she is fking totally sweet and damn super smart I think her brain turns me on the most to be honest  and her beauty is just a fking plus. 

She knows I am hers at anytime LMFAO!! I hope shes reading this. I really think you are my spirit guide. She just gets it. She just gets what I say the first time around. She learns from me and I learn from her was the vibe I got. AHHHHH!!!!! IF she is ever single maybe she will realize that I am sweet as peas and just pissed that she is married. I wish they would put themselves in my shoes. Being a big long time avid fan. Any fan would go wild. Then you are MARRIED!!!!! BIGGEST LET DOWN EVER LET ME TELL YOU!!! But hey I still gotta try she is 46 I think but she don't look it. Very youthful and really without any make up she is still a 10. I am just pissed when I think I get one lil happy moment they gotta be married. 


WHOS the other married lady I was talking to? Maybe I will get into that another time. She was at one point this other one....lets say she was huge in the 90s in her profession. Another one that is married that got bored. She was the first one I talked to married. And then this Playmate...so by the time I talked to this Playmate I had already wasted a huge amount of time someone that was a former model and married. I just got pissed. I was like thinking to myself "yall are married. this is not fair to me at all OR your husbands" if you are that unhappy ding dongs. LEAVE! 


ANnnnnnnd I am done. 


Love, 

A