siiigh 03-04-2021 23:54

definitely not what this website is for. but maybe i'll start writing life update things here. it's a lesser known platform so it's like, only people i trust are gonna have access to it yakno. i'll keep it public because i'm not immune to the desire to be heard. besides, it'll probably help with my shit memory if i decide to actually stick to it which is a 50/50 chance

pffffff. my brother got a new car today. i thought i was spiraling into a depressive episode, but cheered myself up a little today by just taking it easy. i'm still not doing 100% but i at least hyped myself up enough to eat something. i even managed to finish the meal that i got, which is rare for me, since i have such a hard time eating when i'm depressed

seven years ago on this day at this time i was waiting in my room for everyone to fall asleep so i could go downstairs and carry out my suicide. it's a hard thing to contemplate. but i guess i at least survived to be able to contemplate on it at all. yknow i never saw myself applying the whole "march comes in like a lion" phrase to how, for me, it always starts with the reminder of how long i've been mentally ill, but i guess that's just what we're doing now

kk. night night. maybe i'll do this daily, or multiple times a day, or fall out of doing it before it becomes anything meaningful. guess we'll just have to see.