I find it difficult to breathe

Literally and figuratively

To everyone sick and struggling, I get how suffocating it can feel to constantly maintain yourself.

Like a delicate piece of machinery, constantly worked and taken apart and and screwn back into place, constantly cleaned and changed and torn and replaced and fixed just to keep yourself afloat, while most people get to run freely with little to no maintenance. 

It can make you feel alone, like you're broken, but it only seems that way, there's more to it. 

Please, know that you are not alone. You can get through this. 

Everyone works differently, we have different sets of needs and work better in different environments. Some people need more care and aid than others, some people can function better with less. It doesn't mean one is less redeemable than the other. There's no strict black and white, and people who aren't suffering shouldn't become your enemy.

In the moment, it can be really difficult. Is it even worth it? Why do I have to keep working so hard everyday, why do I even try? Why can't I just tear it all down, why not crash out and ruin everything again?

It's not worth it. It's not worth damaging yourself when you're unable to keep up to the endless cycle. 

Just because you're hanging off the ledge, doesn't mean you need to push yourself off.

Keep going, please, it really pays off, and even if not visible at first, you'll be able to feel it.

Do the things that may be difficult now, but come with ease for yourself in the future. Give yourself the care that you can, and that doesn't have to be a 100 percent everyday.

At times, just getting up is enough. Put in a little effort, see how it feels, and try doing a little bit more. It isn't one huge step overnight, it's gradual and there are uphills and downhills in your progress, but that's how life is.

You'll need to keep trying everyday. 

I'm not saying to always be at your best and always do the right thing, because that is simply impossible for a human being.

What I'm saying is, try. Put in what effort you can, and day by day it'll come more naturally.

There is no absolute right or correct way to do everything, do what works best for you. Not just you in the moment, but you in a day, tomorrow, in the future. 

Doing something half-assed or lazily is much better than not doing it at all. Even if you can't complete or do it fully, it's okay to just do whatever you can at the moment, even if it's only 2 percent.

You are enough. It's okay to not work perfectly, it's okay to need more routinely upkeep.

You are not broken. You are human.

Even if not all parts of you are fully functional, even if some parts of you are strange or irregular, that is alright.

You'll get through this, I'll get through this.

We will get through this,

stay safe, and see hope for yourself, even through the foggy nights.