23.31 - 22.07.25 update , well(?)

hihii sorry that last blog was a little.. dark. yeah um I apologise. I wish I had more words to explain how I feel but it's not able for me at the moment.

anyways, so school started back again. FUCK EVERYTHING!! im honestly so sick and tired of seeing people at this point it feels like a chore. imma move out as quick as I can in the future so I can live without any restrictions to my life. oh yeah, I want a job too!

nothing has been going that great but I found a new penpal !! her name is lulu, she likes cosplaying and love live so I think I've found a new longterm friend. I'm still trying to get over my old experience because that hit me like a goddamn truck. it's crazy how the past few days I've felt like cutting?? cutting paper obviously.. yeah! it's been hella rough. good thing I didn't do it though, atleast one person still cares about me in my life.

I want to write domestic fanfiction, like tropes where they just act like a married couple and have fun. I want that. everyone wants that. I'm so screwed. maybe i AM bi. no actually I'm not , im omnisexual ( ´-ω-) I just haven't told anyone yet. wait maybe I am bi FUCK

well that was my panic attack gay awakening , I'm fucjing screwed like shit because I can't stop like csnt stop anything shieieido9eooee 

I wish I could express myself freely , if I weren't judged my commercial displays of society I would've dyed my hair, changed my attitude, have more self esteem (because it's already low) and gotten them damn dudes who hang around me. heh. foreshadow?? 

let's go read fanfics together and feel like we mean something in life.. yes!!