life right now

when vacations started i said i was feeling depressed and stuff but its getting so much worse. i get constant headaches caused by stress and lack of sleep. im so unmotivated to do anything.

i feel gross because i havent taken a proper shower in like 2 weeks (i dont want comments about this.) and ive been laying in bed all day crying and feeling like shit

im so pissed because my house is shit. i never have proper meals like my friends, im so jealous because my mom never cooks for me. i mean my grandma does sometimes but i miss having a meal made by my mom. 

also my meds expired and im so mad about that.

i went to see my therapist 3 days ago and it was awful. i told her how i was feeling and whats been happening and she insisted that i just fix it?? 

i told her that im always tired and i can never get myself to sleep, and i get meltdowns because of that and she told me ''well just go to sleep when youre tired''- ARE YOU FOR REAL? i literally just told you I CANT SLEEP EVEN IF IM TIRED.

she asked me ''you look anxious is anything wrong'' and i told her that ive been anxious about everything lately, and she said its not that big of a deal and not to worry about it. i feel terrible and thats all you're telling me? i would rather stay at home than come to talk to you about my problems and you not helping me at all. its your job and youre talking like youre just some friend of mine. youre not. youre my doctor. 

i told her that i got tickets to see mcr live for my bday (mcr and my fav bands are the only thing that make me happy right now) and she said ''oh gosh i hate that band so much'' okay rebeca. maybe dont say that to your depressed patient. 

thats all i wanna share bye