I hate my frinds

I don't hate them as a person they are nice people but I am just a shitty friend I have mood swings I sometimes don't talk to them at all or am just very sad or have too much energy and I'm just a shitty friend they deserve better while I am jealous because because they have other friends I don't want to have friends but now I started to make them but I don't wanna hurt these people by just starting to ignore them