a ball of air

it's kind of funny. i'm interested in the ways my mind ignites from different topics—different stimuli. what gets me from neutral to something—someone connected. i'm empty so often it feels like. when i get a slight spark, it's so calming. i grow evermore disconnected from this reality but feel i connect to something i've always dreamed of. that's my dream. i see now. i could never word it because it isn't something words could express. it's deeper than language. it's deeper than words. it is so deep within my core.

what happened here? i was typing out a comment to a blog and i just...i'm not sure what happened, but i was able to put a general feeling into words i was previously unable to do as i was unaware of the feeling. i feel i should post it. is that weird?

...

"might be slightly different, but i also feel i lack dreams. those while i sleep, and those while awake. i've never been one to be incredibly passionate, from what i've grown to understand of passion. i've never been one to strive. to plan. to yearn. to anything it feels like. that left me feeling...

i don't know what changed. i have no concrete vision for the future that revolves around a solid cut-out path perfectly marked for my feet to mold. i have no interest in considering one. i think my flexibility is what my dreams are made of. they're a ball of air. so much i can i do with a ball of air. i'm interested in changing it's colors. squishing and stretching it's confinements. it feels weird to be surrounded by those with tangible dreams, but i've learned to be content with being nothing but a flowing body."

thanks fran. you always get me thinking haha.