Its not fairr

My family that is 18 hours away from me are actually the best group of people ever, i love them all so dearly. Even if none of them had seen me in 3 years they were all so excited to see me and wanted to be caught up on what they had missed. i have never made a whole room of family laugh that wasn't them lol, they're all super funny themselves too. A few of them asked if i would ever come live in the area or come up for college or summer work and the next thing i knew everyone was asking me about it as well, my aunt offered to house me if i ever came up for the summer to work or for any other reason i wanted, one of my cousins also offered me a job where he works and said i could have just about any position i wanted. My cousins that i grew up with that are a few years older than me we're super sweet even if we were all super awkward at making conversation, once we got into it we were alright though- and they never used my deadname or misgendered me despite not being fully out to that family (though they follow me on my socials so i assume they know for that reason) And one of my other aunts gifted me an old film camera after learning that i was into photography and (even though i dont think it works) it meant so so much to me that she had me in tears, and everyone was eager to see all my photos and ask me about them and it made me feel so great. So great even that the day i got home i didn't go right back to laying in bed wishing i was doing anything but that- i messed with my bass and played with it for the longest i have in months, i got my wall reorganized in a way that finally feels how i wanted it to, i got my desk cleaned off for the first time in a literal year, AND i was able to draw again. And you know what else, my grandfather said i finally looked like myself when he saw me, which could mean many things but how i took it got me emotional. 

I don't really know what else to say here, this is not be saying that the family i live with suck and are terrible or anything, i have grown up alongside them my whole life and so many of them played a crucial role in how i grew up- But a lot of them don't talk to me like they used to and it is weird to suddenly be awkward around family you used to see every other weekend. And after losing a man that was so so important to me right before i went on this vacation, it meant even more than it would usually. And as much as i love my family where i live, the moment i lose my other great grandparent i don't think i will want to stay around this place any longer, and i will go somewhere where i will be more safe, and more happy.