Connectedness: Screaming, Music, and People

    Loud noises and a sea of people are both amazing ways for a person to separate from their own Self. The latter is more well-known for having this effect, so much so that it even gained its own word - deindividuation. This term describes the loss of one's own self-awareness and sense of self in a big group of people, sort of merging minds with everyone around them. This is a more extreme version of waiting for someone else to turn the test in first before you turn yours in as to not be the first one to finish. Many people are afraid to stick out of the crowd, so they merge with it, and deindividuation is the final stage of that merge. Often, this leads to people making decisions they wouldn't otherwise make. You become the crowd. 

    Loud noises are less recognized for separating a person from their self, but it is still a very legitimate experience. I can't think of any but one example of it being documented right now, which is a quote from a book I ADORE, The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera: 

"...Her scream aimed at crippling the senses, preventing all seeing and hearing. What was screaming in fact was the naive idealism of her love trying to banish all contradictions, banish the duality of body and soul, banish perhaps even time."

This quote caught my attention when I read it, and I've kept it in my mind ever since. It might seem different from the separation of one from the Self, but it's basically one in the same. Tereza, the character described in the above excerpt, tried to separate from the parts of her Self that were conflicted and caused her to feel heavy. She wanted to rid of them by doing anything in her power to separate her mind from her body, from the part of her Self that worries about it. Is that not a partial separation from the Self in its entirety?

There is a third factor of a Self dissolving - music. Music is a very important for connecting people. From my experience of working in high school theater, musicals bring people together so much more than regular plays. There is something about music that evokes more emotion that simple dialogue and acting, something that makes people more open, more kind. Melodies have a way of touching not only the person's mind, but a deeper part of them that can feel a chord progression so closely that the lyrics are redundant. They start crying without them. There's probably a study proving that music bears significance to the person's unconscious mind, there has to be.

The place where the loud noise AND a sea of people make one's Self dissolve is a concert. Maybe a party could work just as well, but I have very few experiences of going to parties at which everyone was participating and really merging with the others. Prom and homecoming aren't exactly the most exciting of parties lol. But concerts gather people who are like-minded--makes it easier to Connect. Of course, there are attendees who don't care much for the specific band that's playing (I myself have been to a few concerts of bands I've never heard of before buying the tickets), but a love for music is still shared by everyone in the room. And concerts are not only music. It's music that is loud and played to a sea of people. The loud noise, deindividuation, and music combine in concert halls more than they do anywhere else. It's an incredibly special feeling, capital C "Connectedness."

I always find myself the most at ease surrounded by loud music and people. I'm sure the oxytocin I get from having people bump into me all the time adds to it greatly, but it's also being able to physically feel the music in my body and the effect of deindividuation that makes me feel very connected to everyone around. I've never experienced a lot of touch, I've never experienced enough sound that could press my brain in a way that I can't achieve in my normal day-to-day life, and I've never felt so understood by strangers. I don't even have to speak to feel like everyone there loves each other. They move in unison, they scream at the top of their lungs, they stomp their feet and clap their hands and feel their hearts beat to the music. Their hearts all beat to the same pulsating sound. I find that Connection very rare and beautiful. It feels as if I'm a part of a whole, as if I fit in perfectly among people I've never met before, and that satiates a part of me that yearns for human connection I've never been able to get. I think it's a type of connection few people experience in their day-to-day lives. On the very next day after a good concert, I start feeling like the pieces don't quite fit. Talking to people feels wrong, my body feels unbearably light, and my throat seems to be constantly clenched, on the verge of screaming again. I feel separate, alone, and cold again. 

This Connectedness feels sort of like tuning into the human mycelium network. It's pretty radical, in my opinion. To feel understood by so many people, even if that's not really the case, is incredible. It makes me realize that my people are out there, that EVERYONE has their person out there, and that humans can be loud, beautiful, and Connected. Despite everything.

But being on your own is not all bad. There is a desire for Connectedness, of course, but there is a comfort in being able to hear your own thoughts and gain back the sense of your Self. I love to think, and thinking as a past time would not be possible if I was constantly tuned into the human mycelium. It's important to find a balance and be able to love people, love Connectedness, and not completely lose yourself. You are the only constant in your life, after all. Only your own while being part of something greater, something your Self makes a great addition to.

P.S. Connectedness is a feeling so separated from my own thoughts and ability to express myself that it's hard to explain it with words, but I hope this rant is at least somewhat legible! Also, some people don't need crowds to feel this Connectedness. If you find a person who understands you as you understand them, you may feel tuned into humanity, yet still isolated from everyone else. Humanity just becomes encapsuled in your loved one, in THEIR Self. Or so I'd guess.

- Yule