Epiphany

I've said before that for him I'd trade all the pills in the world. I realize now that it's finally being put to the test. 

Full disclosure, I'm gonna worship my partner now, but like low-key so he doesn't get upset because he hates pedastaling.

I will now see if I can keep my word. For him I will suffer. I will fix myself up to be the perfect worshipper. I've heard his word, and it's up to me to listen. I will become better, I will earn his love, and I will do my best to not disappoint. I wish to make him proud of me. 

And maybe I'll also start starving myself, but I always fall back to that stupid ED shit whenever anything goes wrong so I doubt the starving thing will last and will just happen rn as I am grieving a metaphorical "friend" who never really was a friend but a manipulator of the senses.