no one can see you cry

Most of the places we used to be at together don't even exist anymore. Just like us. There's not even "us" anymore. I know, I know. There never was an "us". Not like that. But we were friends, weren't we? I'm not even sure we are anymore. Are we? I don't know if we even can. Yeah. Whatever. That doesn't matter. It's so weird thinking that you may turn in no more than a bittersweet memory. I really just wanted to spend eternity by your side. It always felt so warm, even though you were cold. Love must be a punishment made by god. There's no other explaination for such a feeling. Everyone always says it's the "prettiest" or best feeling, but they don't tell you it can be the exact opposite, too. And I'm an expert in experiencing that side, really. Love really is a curse. It has to, there's no other way to explain whatever that is. It's such a powerful drug, and when it dissipates, god. It's just so...shitty. But when love is real, something always remains. And that's the worse part of it all, to still feel love even after you know how shitty it all is and feel conflicted between anger, pain, betrayal, and love. It's such a mixed emotion. If I had to choose a color, I'd say maroon. I don't know how to call this emotion. There's definitely a hint of dissappointment. Well. It's whatever. You don't really care , do you? 

I remember we talked about it that day. Those memories. The places that are gone. It was all really, really nostalgic. Do you ever thinking about it? 

To me, who knew everything, and who held the bomb in my backpack

That felt like a goodbye.

I wonder what you think about it now. But you'll never tell me. I wonder if you thought about it. If you looked back.

I know that you didn't. 

I just wish you did.