vlogging is hard

Vlogging is basically choosing to put your life behind a lens, but it's more than that. It's recording even usually quiet moments, good conversations, putting the more secretive moments of your life out there for consumption. Doing that is difficult.

For the last week I've been trying to vlog. I've been trying to capture everything, little moments, self-care, book hauls, going out to my favorite places. More than I was having fun, I was just very tired of ruining the moment by picking up my phone to record. I was also very very tired by the end of the week and, between filming and editing, fell behind on my school work. I think I am still trying to strike a balance, but this was brutal. 

I was worried that in trying to capture each moment, I disrupted my friend group and our chats, hauls were a mess because they weren't hauls most the time (just one or two things I picked up while out), I felt so off even looking back at the footage to string together and edit, it felt like I was big brother or something I'm not sure. It's just a lot.

I want to do 'lifestyle vlogs' just day-to-day. I didn't realise how much of that would be b-rolls of me going up the stairs, or down the stairs, or choosing what do, getting water, sitting down, writing, etc. I'm filming almost everything. The only thing that hasn't been put behind a lens is my spiritual practices, and that's because those are just so intricate filming would be a serious distracting. 

As I type that I am filming. It's just weird. It's weird to have a camera pointed at you while you do nothing. It's weird to do anything with a camera idly watching. I don't know, maybe I'm thinking too hard about it.