This Fleeting Feeling

7/12/2025, 1:32 PM - This Fleeting Feeling

This whole time I've made a whole new blog anytime I chose to make an entry, however after heavy deliberation I have decided this is inefficient and I am braindead. Anyways, let's get started with what I came here for, somewhere to dump thoughts of mine. I'll date every entry I make. Might name each one after a related song or song lyric for shits and giggles.

Started a new job, it's not bad. Overnight stocking. Pretty much means I'm no longer awake during the day. Still hadn't come to a good conclusion as to what I feel about that. I'm tired though. Very, verry tired. I don't even think it's due to the new sleep schedule either. Made a new friend though, she's pretty cool. Met her through a friend of mine who works at the same place I do.

It's walmart by the way. I know, I know, horrible. I hate it too. Place drips with corporate sludge and rot. Makes me wish I could get away with not working anymore. Maybe I can focus on my youtube and that'll blow up. Already had one video get off the ground, can't be too hard to follow that momentum.

Still hadn't shaken that emotional numbness I've mentioned prior. Instead, after some introspection and many, many energy drink fueled nights of thought, I've realized that numb feeling I've felt hadn't been numbness at all but just plain old depression. I doubted my therapist when she tried to say I might have it. Might have to go back and tell her she was right.

7/20/2025 5:31 AM - I feel the wetness of her tongue that slides across my skin, the viruses crawl over me and feel for some way in 

Covid. Fuck me man. This is the worst I've felt in years. My dad got it and less than a couple days later I'm sick with it. Been sick since Tuesday.

I really wish I had more to write today, but Jesus, all I've done is lay in bed and be miserable. I've slept most of the last week away. Barely ate too. First time I tried I puked not long after the first bite. Started eating more recently though, can finally stomach more than a light nibble.

Point is, covid sucks ass. 

Tired. That's how I feel right now, very very tired. I'm mostly over covid by now, so I'm working. Car's fucked though, two oil leaks, one high one low, and a coolant leak. Honestly think I'm cursed.

That aside, things have been running a bit smoother. Youtube's popped off some, just need to actually make videos. Motivation's been a bitch. I hadn't done much. 

Work friend's turning out to be a mistake, she's been treating the friend who introduced me to her like shit and I'm caught in the middle cause on one hand, I've made friends with her, but on the other, the guy who's introduced me to her is someone I've known for nearly 10 years now. The two of them were good friends from what I hear, so her suddenly changing on him and being nice to me... I don't know, it feels like she's trying to go for some kinda "upgrade" in friends. I hate it. I hate people who do that. Still, I'm going to be nice, only gotta deal with her at work after all.

There's other people I've made better friends with anyways, people I got more in common with.