Fool

i really did love you. i probably always well. you've been the love of my life without even loving me back. i know theres wounds that only time can heal. at least my wound is finally healing now, you see? i knew that to finally let it close I'd have to tell you. and honestly? I'll be fine. the only thing that did hurt me is that i thought you were my friend. i thought you cared about me as your friend, that you cared for me?? but as i told you in the letters, say something. if you don't, I'll understand that you never cared enough about me to be my friend. but you didn't, and i understood just how little i meant to you. and like i said, i backed away, i didn't bother you anymore. why did you keep the tiktok going if you did that? do you actually hate me or not? you're still a mystery, even know. i know I'll have to be the one to talk to you eventually, because you're more gutless that i thought. but I won't do it until we actually see if each other, and if we never do, then fuck you. spineless coward. they always tell you to fix things but when you do other people never seem to want to help. is everyone in the world such a coward? yeah, whatever. I've always known I'm better than everybody else. Too different to fit in. I guess I'm just better than you, too. 

i do miss you. when I'm with you, everything feels so calm. it's like all these stupid thoughts go away, because you're here. you were. now these thoughts ocuppy my head because you never cared about me at all. i guess it just shows how much of a fool i am. I've always been.