Venting..

I've been working on taking multi-vitamins and eating better.

It has not been easy, especially when it was brought to my attention ( by my Fiancé ) - learning what proper portion control is. I never knew about this.

Growing up, my Mother…she would make comments about my body or anything I'd eat.

She's even gently pinch my stomach anytime it peaked out from under my t shirts. I think she was projecting her weight issues onto me.

I understand her mental state, she endured a lot of trauma growing up…

…and she was resentful of me, considering my Father and her ended their relationship on poor terms.

So I'm guessing that I was a huge catalyst for her issues. I don't know. At this point, I can only speculate - as I refuse to allow her any access to me or my life.

I'm trying to understand her motivations.

I want to gain some perspective as to why she, when I informed her about the abuse her bf was unleashing upon me - did she ramp up her own?

Maybe there's nothing to understand. At the end of the day, she was just cruel and it fucked me up.

I write all this up, because it needs to get out of my head and I'm working through the years of trauma and neglect.

When I asked my Fiancé the other night, if there's something "wrong" with me, she gently said:

"You don't have normal reactions to things…or people. You didn't have a normal childhood.."

Which is true.

My Mom, moved us around a lot. We spent more time in a god damned car than we did in one solid home. It bothers me…

And I found the real reason we moved around so much..

My Mom was moving us all around, because her bf was running from child support payments. He didn't want to pay what he owed to his ex.

…so in their logic, they decided to constantly move around. Both to hide from child support payments and to hide from my Dad.

I can't even with this shit.

Honestly, it pisses me off.

Because when you put down a new address for residence to get your mail…they can easily find you again.

I never got to have a decent childhood, because my Mom made fucked up life choices.

Can you tell I'm a bit bitter about this?