back in england

So I did stay in Poland for the full month; Kate camae for that one weekend in Wroclaw and then Holly managed to make it for 5 days, we went to Krakow and to Zakopane and then back to Krakow -- she more or less saved me because that was kind of the highlight of my time there

I did aslo have a wonderful time with my uncles and aunts and little cousins - I saw my cousin Weronika and we went on a few bike rides, and spent good time with my cousin Ewa, and saw my aunt Annie from Birmigham too. She now has my oil paints and brushes and hair brush because I accidentally left those in Poland. 

Poalnd was good, not working for a month was good, I feel recharged.

Everyones was semi sarcastically asking me if I miss England, and I non-sarcastically kept saying yes. I missed my friends and Sam and driving and having my own house, of course I missed England. I missed knowing how much small talk I should or shouldn't make in social situations. These things are variable across Poalnd and England and I never realised just hwo much that messes with me. I can barely hold on to ONE set of social norms let alone two

I'm back up in Durham, oh I've missed Durham. Oh, sunny brisk cold-eveninged Durham, yes Iv missed it. I'm gonna miss 78 Bradford Crescent especially, with our huge magical garden of Eden full of pedigree flowers of all kinds - full of strawberries and hedgehogs and cats even. I don't wanna let go of this garden. It';s a shame you never saw it pooks. We could've sat on the bench while I eat breakfast and you vape. 

I'm in the middle of moving into the new house. I have the tiny cupboard room because I was supposed to be paying a bit less rent but things got messed up and we got  a new tenant and we haven't told her about the me paying less rent thing (me payinkg less rent means eveeryone else paying more...) so uhh we'll see heh. But like I don't even have a wardrobe in my room, I have to use a cupboard just outside my room. Like, come on. I'm not paying the same amount as the eothers who have like 2 wardrobes each and double beds and three times the floor space. Good thing Imogen and I are tight asf so I can intrude on her big sunny room as much as I like. 

I don't mind the little room, don't get me wrong, I have a big window that opens fully and I have pklenty shelf space and under bed storage and a desk... not much different than my room in Huddersfield, and I love that room. I like the smell of my own room, and I like the s mell of my room at 78 Brdford Crescent a lot. It smells of my sheets and shampoo and dried plants and fresh air from the iwndow being open. And of paper and sometimes of rubber if the sun hits my yoiga mat. I started hiding the mat awayt from the sun after that happened a few times. Imagine having so much sun in your room that it somhow inconveniences you. 

The new house is okay but it's more expensive and smaller and will be shared with 2 girls we barely know. Immy and I are next to each other in our rooms, and my room will be very cosy. Oh - the house is definitely cosy. 78 is not at all, and it's poorly insulated with single glaze windows and a tunnel running under mine and Imogen's bedrooms. brrrr. Plus we had to pay our own bills, iunlike at the new house, so we spent some very very cold nights in the winter.

Imogen eventually lent ,me her summer duvet, so I had two duvets and two blankets and two jumpers and thick socks on every night. But if I had wet hair I needed to dry it otherwise I would definitely wake up ill. It would get so bad that I would get a little pre-illness headache as I was trying to fall asleep, which would take a long time, becuase I couldnt becuase my scalp was cold and wet. 

I don't care, I'm gonna miss this house. It was ok when I got a hairdryer and when we stopped scrimpinng on the gas bills. 

Thanks to this house being so cheap I have saved up a decent bit of cash this yeear and hope to not work more than 8 hours per week next academic year. Seems appropriate if I;m living in Claypath (Claypath people dont work they just hang out with friends and go to socials and do other durham univeristy student things)

hmmmm

Sam's coming up on Saturday. I've got plans with Millie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plans with Millie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a rare and precious delicacy. And I get to see Angie soon. When Imogen and I met up on the Sunday evening I came back here we chatted for about 6 hours straight. I walked her to the train stationo this morning and she went back home to Cornwall for the firstr time in 10 weeks. 

People coming, people going, myself coming and going, just like all those Deans and Sals Jack Kerouac was writing about, just upo and down the country relentlessly, always dropping by some other old friend that we never knew of's house. I like being twenty. I'm trying to finish the book so I can give it to Sam and I've gotten to a bit where Dean's a father and he';s basically going insane and deosn't even have a car or a job anymore, he's trapped at home after having madly raced all over America throughout his,,, early twenties (?) --- this made me think of myself. I'm gonna have to settle down at some point and figuratively choose who I'm sticking with and where I'm satying and what I'm doing. No more hypotheticals. It's not gonna be places seeming nice in my head anymore and jobs seeming fun or even fulfilling ... it's gonna be practicality and realism. Oh yes it is. Oh no. 

We've all been stressing about our futures lately. By we I mean myself and the two other people in my life who know this blog exist. You've both been losing sleep over it. I haven't been losing sleep because I don't seem to do that anymore but I have been thinking about it and not coming up with any answers for myself. If we're all worried then its okay.