Journal #58

I want to write so much, but it's so late, so I'll update here for right now. 

It's going to get bad. Really bad. That fuckass stupid worthless miserable bill passed and it's just going to get so much worse. I don't think I see it getting better. My parents talked about it over the weekend and decided that we tough it out for 1 last year here just so my little sister can graduate and I can save up some money. I want to go home. I want to go to Merida. I want to live with boyfriend and spend the rest of forever by his side and marry him and have his child and I will do whatever it takes to make that a reality even if it means I have to live here for a while longer. Not that I'd planned on moving out right away. I just barely got my pay raise today and my promotion officialized. 

Today was good. There was the whole promotion thing and I got to spend some time with Boyfriend. He took me out for lunch and treated me to my favorite ramen spot in all the city. It's pretty much the only nice restaurant we have here and have ever had here and it's surprisingly cheap so it's our new default. We just spent the day walking around pet stores until we went back to his to use his new record player. He looked like a little kid on Christmas he was so so happy. It made a hard day's work more than worth it. 

I'm thinking of going back to uni to get a master's in library science. Once I have that, it'll open up more opportunities for remote work and it'll open an opportunity for me to start working at the English Library in Merida. I have some volunteer experience there and even if I continue to just volunteer when I get back, I'll be pretty satisfied. My parents wanna go there now too and so that's part of the plan. I do want them to spend a bit of time here first before deciding that because, personally, the pros outweigh the cons and basically the only couple I got are heat and mosquitoes. But those are things that can be handled with lots of repellent and a good AC unit like the one me and Boyfriend had in our bedroom. Still, I would be more than happy to have two homes in Merida, maybe three if me and Boyfriend decide to settle down with a property of our own, but we'll most likely move into his family home. 

My parents don't know that we're dating though, so they often question why I'm so eager to move out and start a life with him, but I'm not sure how to tell them or if I should until I've got complete independence. I'll probably wait until then so I can be sure they don't have anything to hold against me. Even if it's minor I can't risk it. Also they probably won't let me stay in my room with him alone if they knew and that's valuable time for us.

On Wednesday, Boyfriend goes for surgery and though it's not for anything major, I can't help but be nervous. It's just something we've both discussed on and off, but since we've become a serious thing (I can't explain it really, it's just we are together and good as married now), we figured it would be the best for right now and for the future because it'll ensure we get the future we want. Since money's no longer an issue because I work and I can pay for half, he went for it. Luckily, a mutual friend of ours is going so he won't be alone. I was really worried that something might happen or if he's too tired to make it back, he has someone to help him out in my place. It's honestly a relief. If I could, I'd take the day off to accompany him, but I can't yet take days off I haven't been working for 3 months yet. But he'll be okay, I know he will. He's also getting glasses and he's gonna bE SOO FUCKING CUTE HE WEARS THESE RAYBAN META GLASSES SOMETIMES AND OH GOD HE LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD IN THEM HE'S SO SO CUTE HEHEHEHEHEHEHE IM JUST GONNA KISS HIS FACE UNTIL I DEHYDRATE HE'S SO FUCKING CUTE HEHEHEHHEHEHE 

So, at least there are now things to look forward to.