i lose my voice when i look at you

i don't know why I'm so comfortable around you. or better said, why i was. i guess you were too similar to me. you felt like home. i know that's not how you felt about me and i never expected it to be. I know you're still "around" but it's just so distant. it's so stupid. we were never even anything so why are you the one ignoring me? you know that it's me the one who suffered. i guess that does make me a bit angry. but i just love you too much like to hate you, and it fuckin sucks. sometimes i wish i could read your mind. sometimes i feel like you can hear me. how can you know everything about me while i feel like i know nothing about you? i want to live inside your head. i want to know everything about you. I'm just a fool. you'd never let me in, just like I'll never let anyone in either. after all, both of us have always been two sides of the same coin. that's what i liked in the first place. but i know i can only have your back, nothing more. I don't know what's going to happen. and i feel strangely at peace. i have things i should be doing instead of thinking about you. 

but i guess a little writing never hurt anybody. 

xxo