A change in persona?

So, this has been on my mind for the past while, but to be honest, I think I'm getting kind of sick of this whole "Nozomi Kaizoku" thing. 

I remember making this persona (formerly called "Pikatina Ogashi") when I was like 12-13 years old in hopes of getting famous on the internet (spoiler alert: I never did, at least I never got SUPER famous like Case Oh or Markiplier did), and after I changed the name to something more "anime authentic" I guess), it just kinda stuck with me since, never bothered to change it.

However, having clinged on to this persona since COVID also meant that I also had to deal my own trauma being directly tied to this persona, since I used to vent online for attention (still do attention seeking things like that every now and then, but not as often anymore since I got a diary and nobody pays attention to me either damn way), and I feel like I practically wasted my entire teen-hood trying to maintain a persona's reputation that's been destroyed for years.

But at the same time, what WOULD I do with a new persona? An entire change in identity? 

Would my life still suck like it does now or will things get better if I just let go of Nozomi? What would I even center my life around afterwards? Because I can barely even figure out what hobbies I want to pick up or what my interests are, let alone what I want to do for the rest of my life (it's why I gave up on going to college and trying to find a job), and this persona has been the only consistent thing since the day I adopted it, so why would I drop it?

Honestly, I'm just hoping I can one day get the opportunity to run away to California and start a new life there, but I doubt that'd ever happen considering my mom refuses to buy me a bus pass n shit, basically meaning I'm stuck here for the rest of my miserable life.

Fuck, being a neurodivergent 18 yo with no sense of identity or will to live is confusing sometimes...