just a day | diary entry 7/6/25

hey spacehey, 

today has been alright. nothing bad happened. i just didn't actually do anything of my own volition, other than do nothing.

i sat and read a book in my room. spent a bit of time dancing in my room. now i'm listening to some profoundly calming music and writing this blog. but i didn't really listen to my urge to create. or to progress in any of my other goals, like uni or job stuff.

today i:

• woke up
• called the grocery store to ask if the hiring manager was there; he wasn't. i start my first day of work there tomorrow and i don't know when to show up!
• went to church. i am still an avid atheist and yet i think i go to church more consistently than the average catholic... i do it because my mom wants me to. but i won't complain too much.
• went home
• ate food. eggs.
• went on a practice drive with mom and sister. while we were out we stopped by some thrift stores. i got myself new a cool new pair of pants. no tops though. i've been wanting more clothes but i haven't been willing to spend any money recently; i need all i can get if i want to move out sooner. and i can afford to look less cool than i am.
• sat around and read a book - three body, by liu cixin. it's frickin amazing.
• at some points i went on youtube and just ran into stuff that made me wish i had done more creating. but still i did not listen to that urge.
• ate food. rice, korean fried chicken, some other stuff.
• short room dance sess. i think i should record something when i get to the point that i'm proud of it.
• now i listen to music and write.

it's only 8 p.m., i know. but i'm tired. and i have to get up early tomorrow because i plan on calling in and asking when i should show up, rather than just showing up super early for no reason.

alright. that's all i got, i guess.

i guess life is good. i'm just... not who i want myself to be yet. that's fine.

maybe i'll get on library of alethia. roblox has really been a comfort lately.

i wrote a blog a while ago titled "comfortable states as sources of weakness" or something. still holds true, so i won't repeat it.

a part of me relishes in this struggle though. maybe this is what it means to be human. maybe it's not even about goals, or about the character you become, but your journey towards that journey. sitting here in the dark of my room, listening to ocean sounds and classical guitar on nice speakers and typing my frustrations and incompetencies away into this online platform... maybe this is it.

alright. now that's really enough from me. 

see ya, spacehey

- francis t.