this never meant nothing to you

i wonder if you hate me. your silence speaks volumes, i think. i guess it's dissappointing that you don't even have the guts to tell me to fuck off, but if I'm honest, it doesn't even hurt anymore. that doesn't hurt. i stopped trusting you that day, the day you actually, unknowingly, broke my heart. i guess that's what hurt the most, you broke my heart as my friend. i loved you, and you never knew. i wanted to protect our friendship the most, my love was a separate thing. but you broke my heart in friendship, and that's honestly what hurt the most. my love inevitably turned sour because of it too. but i still love you. i probably always will. i think that i wouldn't forgive you so easily if i didn't, and it sucks to admit how much of an idiot i still am. love makes you blind, love makes you stupid. i know I'm a fool, but I can't help it, I can't control it. 

i wish you had the guts to talk to me. because I've never expected to be loved back. but your silence still gives me closure. it just means you never cared about me like i did about you. not even as a friend. that's what hurt the most, but you had already showed that to me, so it's not really surprising.