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The posts about loneliness and related issues are already a bit repetitive on this blog, but I won't stop talking about it until this need passes.
so...
I think it's been about 3 days in a row that I've come home at night and laid down on the bed with a huge urge to cry.
Lately I've been feeling very alone, I don't feel like I'm part of anything and I don't feel like I'm anyone's friend. Everyone seems to have that faithful friend and companion they can count on, except me. The times I tried to talk about this with friends, the answers were always "but friends don't need to talk to each other every day to be friends, every friendship is different " and at that moment I thought that was it and moved on with my life, but now I have reservations.
1. When they said that, my complaint was that my group of friends (or colleagues) hardly talked on a daily basis and only really had an exchange when we saw each other in person, so I understand where the intention of that phrase came from.
2. really, each friendship is different because each person has their own way. Of course, the person doesn't need to be in contact with me ALL THE TIME. BUT, never having ANYONE talk to you NEVER, messes with the human being's head. And that's what's been bothering me day and night. No one ever talks to me. All my free time I spend watching videos on TikTok or sleeping because no one interacts with me in any way. Maybe something about me is boring, tedious, too monotonous for people so they simply never even engage in conversations with me.Maybe I don't try that hard to keep up a conversation with other people (but that could be the subject of another sad blog) but damn, what do I have to do to have someone to exchange simple words and everyday nonsense with, you know?
Something happened the other day that made me upset (but that's kind story of my life). A group of my friends all went out on Friday and no one invited me, no one. I know I have a bad history of going out because of problems with my mother, but damn, what would it cost to have an invitation, a "hey, do you want to come with us?" You know? I'm sure no one remembered me at any point and that's been my fear. Being forgotten. Being forgotten forever to the point of becoming the loneliest person in the world, lost out there with no purpose and one day dying and people only realizing that I died because I failed to deliver something.
I know that many people will answer "you have to learn to value your own company" and I know that, I know that I have to learn to be alone. But considering that we live in society and seeing everyone having company and I won't end up killing myself one day. I just wanted to have a normal life, with people around me, lots of love and happiness but instead I've been living feeling alone, exhausted, with a fucked up routine and no time to take care of myself. Will it be like this forever or will I ever have a break?
hope that better days come! Thank you for hearing me spacehey
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sunny
hello!!! its perfectly okay to vent about your grievances about your loneliness, and im sorry that you were dismissed by your colleagues. you are valid when it comes to wishing for a different kind of friendship that is more consistent and active when it comes to involving and talking with you. of course all kinds of friendships are alright, but it is okay to desire something else that a specific kind of friendship can't bring you!!
there are definitely aspects to a consistent & active friendship that involve both parties that is different from friendship that involve both parties not speaking much. both can be fulfilling in there own ways, but its typical for people to start preferring to have the first more which is absolutely okay. there's honestly not much i can say and i'm sorry for that. no meaningful advice or insight or anything like that. all i can say is that i definitely relate to thinking im boring and tedious due to friendships i've had not being fulfilling or really involving me. i've learned to be alone, but i guess in the end i've never adjusted to it. there are definitely people who understand some or most of your loneliness
to be a "boring" person or well stale in general is so dependable on the person. even "boring" people can have meaningful friendships and people who are interested in them. but other than that, at least you know what friendships you want - when you come across any potential friendships, you can engage with someone based on wanting a friendship where both parties are active in talking with each other. i am not only hoping for better days for you, but also better friendships and more opportunities for friendships!! i hope you will be well
Thank you for your comment!
💞
Even though you said you didn't have anything that significant to add, I felt welcomed and understood about my desire to want a specific type of friendship. thank you for looking out for me and say such welcoming words! You are a nice person and I hope you are very very very happy in your life.
Thank you for listening to me in this chaotic moment! I hope to see you around here more often. 🩷🩷🩷
by anaphernelia; ; Report
Thank you for your comment!
💞
Even though you said you didn't have anything that significant to add, I felt welcomed and understood about my desire to want a specific type of friendship. thank you for looking out for me and say such welcoming words! You are a nice person and I hope you are very very very happy in your life.
Thank you for listening to me in this chaotic moment! I hope to see you around here more often. 🩷🩷🩷
by anaphernelia; ; Report
you're welcome!!!!! im so glad that i made you feel understood, and thank you so much for your kind words :')!!! you seem so nice, i also hope to see you more often!!!
by sunny; ; Report