run, as fast as you can

Okay. I may have been too harsh on that family dinner thing. My cousin and I spent a really good time. We decided to go see the fireworks together. 

But it started 15 minutes early. 

From the car window I saw a light, as if a camera in the sky was trying to take a picture of me finally living teenagehood in a somewhat normal way. But it wasn't. The fireworks didn't wait for us, and I saw her laughing, so I laughed too. 

She took her phone and filmed us screaming and giggling like children that we were gonna miss that small town's event of the year as I tried to drive faster without crashing that goddamn car.

I parked the car and locked it, and it felt like a movie. We ran, ran as fast as we could to get to that  football field we were supposed to be at. I was afraid my bag was gonna fall off, but fortunately, it didn't. The light breeze and starry night above us, our shoes being so damn loud on the tarred sidewalk and the crowded street of other people not being aware of that light change of the schedule trying to also make it as quick as possible, but you mustn't slow down. Not now. I don't know if it'll be over in a minute or twelve, but it doesn't matter. 

But please wait for me. I can't stand being left alone and see you keep moving forward without me. Not when I'm so damn slow. I can't help but being worried about missing the whole thing, stumbling on my own feet and delay you. 

When we got there just in time to not miss the whole thing, we enjoyed the show. it felt right. 

I did take a picture of us, but it is blurry and the lightning was awful. But who cares ? I think it's actually accurate to that short instant of nonsense and exhausting race.

For one night, I just got an overview of what life is about. Making memories. 

Memories are confusing. My mind is confusing. I forgot what was real, made up and dreamed last night. Or I mixed them up. 

But I have the evidence in my camera roll that I didn't imagine that.

"one day, I'm gonna grow wings" as Radiohead said. Well, no. I do have wings, they're just constantly clipped. Sometimes it helps them growing faster, like hair do when it gets cut, but sometimes it's more painful. It takes time to get to know yourself and your own limits. Nobody actually is born already knowing that. 

They just don't ask themselves the right questions, they think, but they don't think.

I know this sounds cheap, but let's rephrase it. They do think, like any human, creature even. But they never wonder. They don't question. And thank whatever god is above us that we aren't all like me or we'd be doomed. 

I may have lost many feathers these last years, my wings are still there. And I can almost feel them growing back. 

I hope I'm right.