childhood friend appreciation post and other migraine induced musings

Today I went out with a friend. It was on a whim, but it was lovely. It reminded how great it is to have friends that just drop-in on you. 

I had been holed-up for the last week, stewing. I did something I wasn't proud of and it made me become reclusive, I folded in because I was afraid I'd been hurting people around me without ever realizing. I didn't, don't, want to be someone who hurts others. Especially the people I love. I took what I did so hard, I couldn't really face anyone or bring myself to do anything. It wasn't some deep dark depression, I was just kind of sitting in my shame for a bit.

Then 'A' came, he's one of my bestfriends. He just offered to swing by, it was going to be a quick visit, but I so appreciate that he stayed because I needed that. 

And we talked about everything. The people we've met, the things we've done, the connections we've had. Having someone who's known you so long is such a gift, you don't have to say much for them to just get you. I had spent the week thinking so low of myself, but being around him is grounding. He reminded me of where I'm coming from, where I am, and the strides I'm taking to get to where I want to be. It wasn't like we spent a thousand hours talking about deep, introspective things but we examined our relationships and how long we've been friends and the kind of friends we are. Seeing him was enough to remind me I'm a solid friend, talking to him reminded me that I'm a solid enough person and I make mistakes. 

My friends are paramount to me, I take loving them seriously so I take my mistakes really seriously. But that's what they are, mistakes. All I can do is not make them again. It was nice to hear from someone else, especially someone who loves me, that I'm not the person I was and that I'm a positive ongoing presence and that, even when I do mess up, I'm getting better. He reassured me I made him feel cared for and part of my life and that was so important for me to hear.

We went thrifting, got ice cream, talked about horror movies. I showed him a show I'm a little obsessed with right now (love, death, + robots) and we talked about the metaphors and the animation style and the conclusions we drew from the few episodes we watched. It was really nice. Being around him, being around anyone in my little group, is like being at home. It's a safe space to be honest, to be wrong, and to be myself. I needed the reminder that I'm good to the people around me because I'd been so stuck on the bad. 

Either way, everyone deserves a friend like him and I'm so grateful I have my stupid little found family.