Well, today was not so kinda wasn't was very very bad

Well, someone disappeared..

Maybe I just blame my reach, or I should blame myself, perhaps it's the weather or a tumor lodged in my amygalda, mayhaps it's the alcoholism that's slowly rotting my brain or the drug problems, it doesn't matter, ultimately; I am deteriorating and instead of blaming God or holes in my socks, I blame love.

If anyone can hear this, or see me, or even acknowledge I exist I have but one word for you: don't fall in love, just don't.

Love is fleeting for a second, take a pin, or a sewing needle and drop it, when you can hear gravity doing it's work and the pin or needle stops making a clanging sound remember that silence, remember the spinning, the light reflecting cheap lousy metal, that duration of you dropping an object is how long love lasts, there's nothing in the world longer then it and I don't want to talk about your 'humongous penis that is totally worth the emotional turmoil' Sal.

It's short, it hurts, it ends in confusing ways our mind can't comprehend, human brains weren't made for depth nor the amount of pills I ingest on the daily it just doesn't work for us, deep avant garde films that use French for the dubbing and English subtitles aren't deep so stop peddling your college friends shitty college work.

A girl, a fucking girl, my best friend, my one true soulmate, any and all adjectives I could think of to describe her are null and void, she left, she up and ditched me, no closure, no goodbyes, just a picture of her dog and a change of the name and she's once again out of my life..for good.

It was my mistake because I wasn't..I wasn't clean or precise enough, I was messy, I didn't hide my emotions or feelings well enough; I have been unraveling and so has my mind.

The sobriety never even helped I think I'm just always supposed to be like this.

I miss her, she made these past six and a half months liveable, she made sobriety easy, she made me feel like I was smart, and cool..she made me feel things I never could because nobody has ever shown me that kindness before..

Now she's gone, like sand in the wind, it gets stuck in your hair so you take a shower, you fuck yourself IN the shower to pretend it absolves you of your sins and the shower hose reminds you of a noose, you look up how to hang yourself but feel like you'd be into it sexually so you ignore it and look at vintage pistols and accidentally find a website about civil war calvlary.

I'm drunk, I'm high, I always just fucking AM yet nobody sees it, nobody cares..I don't want them to care, I wanted her to and now she's gone.

I like blogging..and art by the way.

Blogged under automotive because like a car, my mind is always moving.